Why (and who) men text messages when they’re drunk

We have a thousand questions for men! Michael Nast, columnist and relationship author from Berlin, responded to some of them for us. Today: which woman does a man text when he is drunk?

Michael Nast answers men’s questions on

It’s such a thing with technology. It has advantages – and it has disadvantages. Cell phones are a very good example. As many benefits as they have, they can be very dangerous things to do. Especially when they are used at four in the morning when you are so drunk that you may not even remember using your phone the next morning. There are these apps that you can download onto your cell phone to protect yourself from yourself, so to speak. When activated, the functions can only be accessed if one is still able to solve a math equation. However, very few people are careful enough to install such a program.

We all know that alcohol has a euphoric effect. Perception shifts when you’re drunk. In a sense, you hide part of reality. One neglects truths that soberly have been an essential aspect of why one does not necessarily want to be with the woman.
In Berlin’s nightlife, there are people I only get along with when I’m drunk. If I happen to meet them on the street one afternoon, I would like to move on very quickly. As if we met in the wrong world where our commonalities do not exist. A similar mechanism also works if you pick up your cell phone drunk at two in the morning. You are in a kind of naive romantic state.

There are of course these tragic characters who confess their drunk love to their ex-girlfriend or berate her for not having come to terms with the breakup. But those are embarrassing special cases. In this state, most of them look in their contact list for former dates or love affairs whose number has actually just not yet been deleted in order to avoid the conversation in the event that they call. But when you get drunk, you suddenly feel that these women are somehow worth seeing again. One is convinced that there is a perspective. That they would get along really well when they met. That you can work on it. Oh well.

Let’s put it that way, I’ve already written messages like this. To women, I had dates with who, for good reasons, didn’t call for weeks or months – until that one night. However, when I sent the message, I had an unclear idea that I had left my naive-romantic phase behind after getting up. That I would then even be uncomfortable even to think about the message I had just written. Above all because of the women who, with my unexpected news, might associate a hope that they had actually already left behind.

Whatever you tell yourself, there is only one reason to report to women when you’re drunk – it’s about love. The alcohol just makes you more indiscriminate.

For example, it is perfectly clear to my friend Sascha that he will not be in touch at three in the morning because he has suddenly discovered deep inside his love for the woman. He knows he wants to love. Or at least someone he can fall asleep with. That’s why he carefully structured his cell phone contacts. In groups. There are many groups in Sasha’s contact list. Family, close friends, business contacts, women he’s interested in but not yet met, women he has met but not slept with, and women he has already met slept with and whom he actually didn’t want to see again. And then there is this list called “Boot Calls”. This list collects the numbers of the women he could contact when at six in the morning he still hasn’t found anyone to or want to sleep with. It is the list for spontaneous love offers, for whose members he answers the inconspicuous questions “Are you out and about?” used. Women with whom he has an unspoken agreement to meet occasionally, in the right mood, so to speak, for noncommittal love. The honest variant that does not cause pain to either side.

To recap, any message a woman receives from a man after one in the morning can be ignored. After all, no answer is an answer. But if she has the feeling that she wants to react somehow, she might write something like this: “I find it almost a bit amusing that I’m still on this desperate date mailing list.” It will not fail to work.

Oh yes, and then, of course, there are these men who write to their friends that they love her when they’re drunk. And there is really no need to ignore this news. You come from the bottom of your heart.


Why (and who) men text messages when they're drunk


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