Please imagine the following: a woman lies in bed at night, desperately trying to hold back her tears because she doesn’t want to be the ordinary weak girl who cries herself to sleep. She is so desperate to think of something else and to free herself from the pain she is feeling at this moment …
Love “love of my life”,
First of all, I want to thank you for showing me what I didn’t deserve.
At the very beginning, I didn’t want a relationship. I was so scared of getting hurt that I pushed you away and told you that would never happen.
I kept my distance and tried to avoid you as much as possible.
But that didn’t stop you. You smashed my cover, determined to tear down every single wall I had built around my heart to protect myself.
At the time, I still thought that you were interested in me and wanted a chance with me, but looking back I understand that you only wanted to build me up so that you could tear me down again right away.
So we went out and at first, I thought it was all I could want. I was on cloud nine thinking I made the right choice to let you into my life.
I was wrong.
The truth is, you didn’t really love me. Maybe you loved the idea of me. Maybe you loved having me around because I would have done anything for you.
But if you really loved me, you wouldn’t have destroyed me the way you did. This is not loving.
I loved you so much that I lost sight of everything else, especially myself. I clung to you so tightly because I was scared of losing you. Let’s face it, you never really belonged to me to lose yourself, did you?
You always treated me so coldly and I could never understand why I always loved you. Sometimes the harsh words you used to stay on my head.
You told me that you always destroyed everything you love and I said that you don’t. I tried to comfort you to make you feel better.
I realize now that you were right. You do and probably always will.
I’ve never been good enough, or at least that’s how you treated me. I was always wrong, I was always the crazy one after the breakup, never you.
It was always me
You were poison in my heart and I wanted so badly to save you, but I couldn’t.
You destroyed me. And I hated you for it.
I hated you so much that the very thought of you made my blood boil. I was walking a path I’d never gone before and it scared me.
Everything I’ve been through for you made me hate you so much that I became bitter. I became someone I didn’t want to be, someone I wanted to hate.
So I have forgiven you Not because you apologized or because you deserved it. I have forgiven you for me. I knew the only way for me to let you go was to forgive you even if you weren’t sorry.
I learned a lot from letting you go, so many things that I couldn’t see because my world was completely revolving around you.
The day you left me was the best day of my life. You saved me that day and I thank you for it.
I was lost in love with you and I couldn’t see that you were only hurting me.
With every message you had to hide, every lie you told me, and every harsh word you spoke to me, somewhere on the street I accepted that it was how I deserved it.
This saying, “We accept the love we believe we deserve” has never been so true in my life. I knew I had to change.
I had to take a breather and get back to the girl I wanted to be, away from the girl I became when I loved a monster.
I make so much more than you could ever have given me. Saying goodbye made me strong.
I really hope that one day you will realize how bad you have treated me so that you will never do this to anyone again.
I want you to be the person you once were to me, that when someone else comes into your life who is ready to sacrifice everything as I did, you can appreciate them and love them the way I did she deserves it.
I hope that you will find happiness in someone that I found in the man who helped me be loved again.
I wish you the best of luck in everything you do now and I hope that you will treat the girl you are with now better than me. Don’t be a fool forever.
With best regards,
The girl you destroyed