Loving someone you cannot have can take a tremendous emotional toll on you and your mental health. But why do we fall in love with someone we can’t have?
Did you fall in love with someone you can’t have?
Do you scratch your head and ask yourself, “Why do I always fall in love with someone I can’t have?” And then wonder how you can manifest the love you really want? From that special person?
The teachings of the law of attraction make it so easy to manifest true love in a particular person.
The truth is, like most things, there is more to it.
Perhaps unrequited love is a frustrating, disease-causing pattern in your life.
You see someone and you just get sucked into it. Before you know it, you count the seconds until you see them again. Hoping to catch a glimpse and get more.
Maybe you’ve stayed up late at night Googling why you’re falling for someone you can’t have, or you’re wondering how to attract a certain person, even though right now the odds seem totally against you .
You may have tried endless Law of Attraction methods to attract a specific person, meditated, and even used magic to attract a specific person (SP).
You might even have been in therapy for hours to sort it out.
Have you ever wondered WHY you fall in love with emotionally unreachable people in the first place?
The answer is simple but devastating.
Unrequited love is meant to keep YOU unreachable while you wait.
Since you were automatically rejected from the beginning due to the total unavailability of your love object, the risk of rejection is completely eliminated, since you as a partner are not even a real option for them.
You are completely free to love them remotely without the risk that they will let you down, as they (but also you) were unavailable from the start.
Since you have banned them from your orbit from the start, you get the added ego benefit of striving and working for that lofty new goal. You have a goal. A great journey.
“I just have to learn how to manifest a certain person,” you tell yourself.
Then, if you manage to turn this situation around, you will pretend that you are so irresistible and flawless in the law of attraction that after all the “work” you couldn’t possibly be turned down.
But … behind closed doors you handed out this rejection to yourself … for years.
Because a controlled combustion cannot get out of hand.
Falling for someone who has the ability to actually love you back depicts the REAL dragon.
Because what if you open up and let him see your real, soft, sweet, squishy, dark heart and then he rejects you?
What if he leaves
What if you let go of all that gross control, let someone really love you back, and you still aren’t good enough?
What if he dies?
Oh damn no You could die from this whole bullshit experience.
Better to stay safe with these charming people who can’t really hurt you.
Falling for someone you can’t have may be frustrating and emotionally draining, but it’s pretty “safe” because they can’t even really make up their minds to turn you down as “the situation” has already done it.
If you just fall into someone who can’t love you back, you’ll get it put on the back burner. You’re also completely free to distract yourself with fast food, shitty connections with throwaway people who you don’t even want to see again because your “real” lover isn’t there.
The real you gets to play in their playpen, safe from judgment. Never really seen or heard of, but completely free of responsibility.
Safe from the risk of having a painful, soul-destroying experience that could show you that it is REALLY as unworthy, crappy and empty as you knew it all along.
“I’d better keep it to myself, it’s deformed. When he sees YOU, oh my god … then my secret will REALLY be out. There is no way someone could stay around when they know the real me. I prefer to stay with this (surely) impossible situation. “
Then you can spend your precious time and tons of emotional energy distracting yourself with conspiracies, planning and intrigues about “when the conditions will change” or when you will finally “win him over” and convince him to leave his wife to stop being a workaholic, return to or seduce your Stone Age relationship.
Then, THEN you would have REAL evidence of your irresistibility as you “won” this impossible game that you rigged from the start.
THEN you would be ready for prime time.
THEN you will be good enough.
You’ll even have the added bonus of undeniable (right?) Evidence that he’s so in love with you that he could never change his mind, right?
In the event that you win, you can hide in the illusion that you have nothing to fear because you turned the situation around with your irresistibility. You are safe. Overcoming the odds could prove your true worthiness.
Who doesn’t dare, who doesn’t win, right?
He can’t possibly go to all this trouble to beat the odds and jump through all these hoops and THEN break up with you. That’s impossible.
The sick, sad truth is:
Your self-esteem is in the loo.
If it wasn’t, you would absolutely REFUSE to put yourself in this or any similar situation – never.
You may vaguely fantasize about the sheer physical lust of any person (we all do) – but you would never deign to fall “helplessly” in love with someone you cannot have.
You would never dream of saying to your precious, irresistible goddess self:
“You know what? You are NOT WORTH the great, amazing, vulnerable love. You have no choice but to play small because you are not good enough. You should move on with this impossible situation because you are definitely not good enough for what you are afraid to even admit that you really want. “
You wouldn’t sit around waiting for your “turn” to go with this person who doesn’t belong to you. You wouldn’t make plans on how to get rid of his relationship in order to fit in with yourself. You would not find any way to change the situation “in your favor”.
You wouldn’t even care. He would be a non-issue for you.
You can’t be hurt by anyone but yourself if you want to hide so badly.
So let me ask you
Where did you get this flawed, shitty idea that you’re so broken and shitty and second rate that you have no choice but to humiliate yourself?
After all, it is YOU who insists that it must be so. That you are an unfortunate victim of your feelings in a situation that YOU have manipulated.
What if you stopped trying to control other people’s reactions to your carefully cultivated, fake BULLSHIT personality, which is based on NOTHING other than people-pleasing and reputation management?
Even with the people who are closest to you, who you SAY you love them but who don’t know you at all?
What if you just stopped doing this inner gauntlet of mirror uncertainties and committed to doing this whole “love thing” right away as YOU?
What if you stopped telling yourself what was wrong with you and started noticing everything that was SO RIGHT?
What if you dropped this whole battle of attracting someone in particular, started building your beautiful castle on the rock, and THEN attracted whoever you wanted?
Haven’t you got enough yet?