Do you like someone but keep wondering where you are in their life? Are you wondering if you should go away or stay?
It depends on. When you’ve just found a guy you really like, it takes time for you to get to know each other. This is a situation that you stay in. But when you like the guy you’ve been dating for a while and aren’t sure where you stand, it can be hard to know what to do.
When a guy doesn’t let you know where you are or makes yourself scarce in your life, it’s understandable that you are confused and frustrated.
When you are with a guy like that, don’t rate him highly or put him on a pedestal. His actions tell you that you are not his priority, so you shouldn’t keep asking him where you stand and where the relationship is going.
Hanging out and hanging out or being in an on-again, off-again situation isn’t going to make him realize how much he wants you in his life. And giving him an ultimatum can force an outcome you might not be prepared for.
Instead of taking the steps above and preparing for disappointment and heartbreak, here are some considerations when you don’t know where you are in someone’s life.
What should I do?
Depending on the situation you are in, you want to react accordingly.
Situation 1: He doesn’t tell or show you where you are
If a guy doesn’t tell or show you, keep his options open because he’s just not that into you. He may want you for love and not much more. Having love with him will leave you feeling used and empty once the physical connection wears off.
What you should do:
Many women stay with a guy in the hope that love will change his mind. But in doing so, they radiate an energy of desperation and self-denial – which reinforces his dream of keeping his options open.
A guy like this isn’t worth your time. You are better off cutting the ties and being available to find a man to tell you and show you where you are.
Situation 2: He tells you that he wants you, but shows you the opposite
If a guy tells you he wants you in his life and acts like he sometimes wants it and sometimes doesn’t, then his actions tell you that he is unable or unwilling to fully commit to himself engage to take your relationship to the next level.
He may like you, but he values his freedom more. And if he’s still not healed from a previous relationship, there are problems for him to work through so that he can be ready for a new relationship.
What you should do:
Don’t try to do or be more in the hope that he will come around. If you try to fix things on him and help him heal, you will mostly be disappointed. He is on his own way in life with his own lessons to learn in his own time. Let him go and learn his own lessons.
When he comes to terms with his problems and realizes that you are there for him, he will come back to you.
Situation 3: He tells you that he doesn’t want you, but shows you the opposite
When a guy tells you he doesn’t want you in his life but pretends to want it, he wants his cake and eat it too. In other words, he wants to enjoy the benefits of being single while having a girlfriend – when it’s convenient for him.
What you should do:
Don’t give him the benefits of a girlfriend if he just wants to hang out and make out. This encourages him that he can have his cake and can eat it too. If you really like him, stop doing things a friend does and treat him like a friend. Then see how he reacts to that.
His reaction (or lack of it) will reveal his true intentions.
Situation 4: He tells you and shows you that he wants you
If a guy tells you and shows that he wants you in his life, believe him. Most of the time, when you find it hard to believe him, it’s because you think you don’t deserve to be with him. (Thinking that it’s too good to be true is a form of thinking that you don’t deserve it.)
What you should do:
Determine the reasons why you think you are not worth being with him and work to improve your self-worth by appreciating yourself. Notice how you feel about yourself. For example, if the thought “I am not good enough” comes up often, watch that thought curiously with an open mind.
Whenever this thought arises, keep watching it with curiosity and impartial awareness. The more you watch this thought, the more it will go away. Do this type of observation for any thoughts that are meant to keep you from knowing your worth.
Situation 5: He tells you and shows you that he doesn’t want you.
If he tells and shows you that he doesn’t want you in his life, believe him. If you don’t believe him, you will make yourself believe that he is better than he is and you will not see him and the nature of your relationship for what they are.
What you should do:
Respect yourself – leave so you can maintain your self-esteem.
Instead of trying to convince him otherwise, respect his decision. You don’t have to overcome yourself or convince the man who is right for you. When a man is the right one for you, you will know how he feels and where you stand.
Still unsure?
If you’re still unsure of what to do and you’ve been dating a guy for a while who doesn’t tell you where you stand, your intuition and your body know.
Notice how you feel with him, between the times you see him and when you are without him.
Go away if:
1. You don’t feel good about yourself when you are with him or thinking about him; or
2. You are with him because you are afraid that you will not find another.
Make your decision by placing more emphasis on what he does and less on what he says. If he wants you in his life, he will say and do things that show that he cares about you. You won’t have to guess or wonder. You will just know.
The man who is right for you is not going to keep you suspended. He’ll make you a priority, not an option.
It’s not personal
If you’re in a situation where he made you an option and doesn’t let you know where you stand, don’t take it personally. Here’s why.
Whatever a guy says and does has to do with his level of integrity, where he is at in his life, and what he wants. It’s really about him and not about you. You just happened to be the one who showed up in his life at this point.
If you have been disappointed in dating and your heart has been broken by recurring relationships, consider taking the approach that makes a man appreciate and respect you. Learn why you should let a man court you.
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