20 pieces of advice a divorced man would have liked to have known before marriage
A divorced man shares 20 pieces of advice for a happy marriage that he wishes he knew beforehand. He lost the love of his life through a divorce and he regrets that he didn’t heed these 20 pieces of advice to save his marriage.
Divorce is messy and painful. When two people who have promised to live together separate, not only do they end their marriage, they end years of friendship, promises, and dreams. They end bittersweet memories of what used to be, leaving nothing behind but questions.
Neither marriages nor divorces come with an instruction manual. But there is some advice to take to heart when entering into marriage. The following 20 pieces of advice come from a man who is divorced and has lost the love of his life. He would have liked to have known these things before marriage so that he could have avoided a divorce:
1. Take care of your own heart.
Just as you have made a commitment to be the protector of your heart, you must protect your heart with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully. There is a special place in your heart that nobody but your wife is allowed to enter. Always keep this room ready to receive them and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter.
2. Fall in love with this woman again and again.
She is not the same woman she was when you got married, and in five years she will not be the same person she is today. The same goes for you. Changes will come. Always struggle to regain her love, like you did when you first courted her.
3. Never stop trying.
Never take this woman for granted. This is the most important and sacred treasure that you will ever have in your life. She chose you. Never forget that and never get lazy in your love.
4. Always try to see the best in her.
Just focus on what you love. If you focus on what’s bugging you, you will only see reasons to make mistakes. When you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love.
5. Take full responsibility for your actions and words.
Take full responsibility for your own emotions. It is not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she cannot make you sad. She is responsible for finding her own happiness
6. Never blame them for frustrating you.
Never blame your wife when you are frustrated or angry with her. You are responsible for your feelings. If you feel that these feelings take time to become present and you need to look inward to understand what is inside you, you should ask them to give you this space.
7. Allow your wife to be simple.
If she is sad or upset, it is not your job to fix the problem. It’s your job to hold them and let them know it’s okay. Let her know that you hear her and that she is important. The feminine mind is about change and emotions and like a storm her emotions will go in and out, and if you are strong and don’t criticize her, she will trust you.
8. It is not your job to change or fix them.
Your job is to love her the way she is without expecting her to ever change. And when it changes, love what it becomes, whether that’s what you wanted or not.
9. Allow the two of you to be silly.
Don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Have a laugh with her and be silly. Make her laugh and always make the best of the situation. Laughing makes even the toughest of situations easier.
10. Try to fill your soul every day.
Learn her love language and how she feels important and validated. Ask her to make a list of 10 things that make her feel loved. Make it your priority to make her feel like a queen.
11. Be present, and not just physically.
Not only give her your time, but also your focus, attention, and soul. Do everything to clear your head so that when you are with her, you are full with her. Treat them as the most precious person in your life.
12. Don’t be an idiot.
Don’t be an idiot, but don’t be afraid to be one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too many mistakes and learn from those you do. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try not to be too stupid
13. Give her her freedom.
Women can give so much and sometimes she needs to be reminded to take the time to love herself. Tell her to take time for herself. She needs this space to renew and re-center herself and find herself.
14. Show yourself vulnerable.
You don’t have to have everything in common. It’s okay if you’re not on the same wavelength. Be ready to share your fears and feelings and quickly acknowledge your mistakes.
15. Be completely transparent.
If you want to have trust, you have to be willing to share anything – especially the things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, fully open your heart, and let her in. Part of that courage is that she can love you completely, your darkness and your light.
16. Don’t stress about money.
Find ways to work together as a team to make more money. But don’t argue about it. It never helps when teammates argue over financial matters. Find out how you can use the power to win.
17. Be male and let them be female.
Immerse yourself in your male presence and devour it with your strength. Try to penetrate into the deepest levels of your soul. Let her immerse yourself in her feminine softness because she knows that she can fully trust you.
18. Forgive her as quickly as possible.
Forgive her as quickly as possible and concentrate on the future instead of carrying around burdens from the past. Holding on to past mistakes is like a heavy anchor for your marriage. Forgiveness is freedom.
19. Never stop growing together.
A relationship has to grow. If you feel like you’re standing still, you won’t be happy in the long run. Work on yourselves together and make sure that there is constant growth – be it spiritual or emotional.
20. Always choose love and not fear.
In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle by which all of your decisions are governed, there is nothing to jeopardize the happiness of your marriage. Love will always last.