Most of us do not see it coming.
Especially when people are in love, they immediately become blind to anything that could endanger their happiness – it can also be called conscious denial.
Unfortunately, we will only be aware of what has happened to us when the damage has already occurred.
Then suddenly something opens our eyes, and all the things we’ve gone through suddenly look terrible.
The truth is that they were always terrible, but we decided to paint them beautifully.
This happens when emotional abuse sneaks up on you. You never see him but only feel the consequences.
How can your mind be prepared to deal with something that you thought happened suddenly?
I know, it is impossible.
Then you face one of the biggest challenges of your life.
First, you look back and ask yourself over and over again how you could endure so much shit. You can not believe what he did and how you reacted.
Unbelievable, for how many things you have found a justification. From the current point of view, it is ridiculous and sad at the same time.
But there is one important lesson you have learned. You can not change anyone who does not want to change.
You can not force anyone to love you by loving him.
Here’s the lesson each of you must learn when you’re with him (and probably suspects) that he’s a covert narcissist.
1. “I” and nobody else
He only cares about himself. There is no sentence in him that does not contain the word ‘I’.
You will notice it when you are traveling with friends that he is constantly talking about.
The whole conversation revolves around him. Even if someone starts talking about something else, he will use that to get the focus back on themselves.
2. Either in his own way or not at all
He never takes into account other people’s opinions. If he decides something, it has to be done in his own way.
It’s as if you did not even exist in his world.
You can talk and implore; he will not give you his precious time.
3. He manipulates you
He already knows every one of your features; He knows every one of your reactions. This will allow him to manipulate and control you to do exactly what he wants.
And at the end of the day you will feel that you have done it voluntarily. He is such a good manipulator.
But that’s not the worst. No, the worst part is that he enjoys it when you dance for his pipes.
He is proud to have a nice and brave doll that will do exactly what he pleases.
4. He has a double standard
When it comes to your life, there are more rules than you can imagine.
You have to make decisions in life and be careful not to make the wrong ones (according to him).
But when it comes to him, different rules apply. All the things you are not allowed to do, he is allowed to do.
If he makes a mistake for which you are being punished, that’s no big deal.
5. The opinions of other people are very important to him
He cares about his reputation. He praises himself, because he must be the loveliest and friendliest person you have ever met on earth.
He will not stop until he has created this feeling with someone he has just met.
If self-praise means that he has to humiliate anyone, he will do it, because he does not care if he has to go over dead bodies to be the best.
6. You are the only one who is to blame
The blame game is his favorite game. He is never to blame for anything.
If you feel bad, it’s because you did that to yourself. He never is.
He is the angel and you the devil.
He probably called you “evil” and “manipulative” a couple of times, even though you both know that he is the evil and not you.
7. He is the best of all
He always boasts that he is the best, that he does everything better than anyone else.
If you ask him, he is the master of the universe. He will admit it without shame.
You know that people who have really achieved something in their lives will never specify it.
They keep it to themselves and only if you insist that they tell you, they will do it.
Well, you never have to ask him anything, he’ll brag about anything without any initiative.
8. He feeds on negativity
Whenever he feels your positive energy, he will approach you as close as possible to suck them out.
In these moments he even pretends that he really loves you. He pretends that he wants to make you happy.
That’s why you feel emotionally drained after every conversation with him. Your positive energy is sucked out and only the negative remains.
9. He has two faces
If you are traveling with other people, he is so charming and positive.
Anyone who gets the opportunity to talk to him likes him right away. He is a sweetheart.
But when you two are alone, his personality changes. He becomes dark and cruel and has neither compassion nor respect for you.
10. He can not handle criticism
He is a professional when it comes to criticizing others, especially you.
He pretends to know everything and pretends to really help you.
But if the situation is reversed, except for the fact that you really want to help him while pretending, he will not listen.
He will not listen to your advice, because he really believes that he is as perfect as he is.
11. He is full of excuses
He expects you to drop everything when he needs you, but when you need him, he always has something better to do.
He always has an excuse not to do anything you want.
12. He is a drama queen
Nothing is ever easy with him in your life.
You may wonder sometimes if you are in a Spanish soap because all situations are so similar.
There is so much drama going on.
13. He needs constant confirmation
Narcissists have a need to prove themselves, especially to people who doubt them.
This bothers them all the time, and just about everything they do is to prove to everyone around them that they are perfect – that they have made it in life.
He does not do that because he wants to be a better person.
It’s not because he wants to prove himself he can do it, but because he wants to show off how great he is in front of everyone else.
14. Everything has to be perfect
He will not stop until he gets what he wants and how he wants it. Well, nothing is good enough, as long as it’s not perfect.
That’s a pretty bad personality trait, and it’s characteristic of narcissists, because seeking perfection means getting what you want at any cost – even if that means you have to betray people, they do not care.
They will do everything necessary.
15. He has no compassion
You probably tried to talk to him about something that bothered you. You probably did not get an answer.
Your misery and suffering mean nothing to him because they do not directly affect or influence him.
He only understands empathy when she has something to do with him. If someone else is in pain, he does not give a damn.
He will even turn the conversation you are having with him so he can be back in the spotlight.
16. He has a defense mechanism
Believe it or not, there is a reason why all narcissists are mean and cold.
There must have been a trigger that made them that way, probably when they were little.
A narcissist will run away if you happen to be able to see through him and understand why he behaves this way.
Narcissists have huge emotional walls around them, and they will not tear them down for anyone.
They have learned that vulnerability is a sign of weakness, which is why they should not allow anyone to see it.
17. He breaks you down and fixes it right after that
It’s like a hobby for him. In the normal world, the person who caused you pain or broke your heart should not return to your life.
This person does not have the right to help you with recovery because it is the reason why you need to get well.
The logical thing to do is get away from this person and deal with the things that happened to you.
Well, being with a narcissist can not be like that. A narcissist will destroy you and come back to comfort you.
You’ll be confused, but from the moment you’re broken, comfort is all you need, so you take everything you can get.
That’s the game he plays.
18. He never lets go of the past
No way. He remembers you argued about a year ago.
It’s like keeping a diary of all the things you said or done wrong, and he makes sure you never forget them.
Whenever you start a new dispute, he brings up the past.
There is a reason why he does that.
When you realize that you will win the fight and that he can not do anything about it, he pulls out of the past what you have done and opens the Pandora’s box with endless arguments.
19. He abuses you emotionally
If you love someone, the chances of realizing that this person is emotionally abusing you are very low.
After being treated badly for some time, you get used to it somehow. This behavior will be normal for you.
After a while, you begin to seek justifications for your partner.
You start to justify his behavior because you still love that person, and you desperately hope that all this is just a phase and it will soon stop.
He is aware of the fact that you love him, and he exploits it by doing whatever he wants, because he knows that you will come back as you always have.
20. Love is not the way you imagined it
He has convinced you with the way he treats you that love is a one-way street – you give and get nothing back.
He made you believe that it should look like this. Well, that’s absolutely not the case!
Narcissists can not love anyone but themselves. Because in order to love someone, you have to love yourself first.