You’ve already given up – now it’s my turn

You gave me up long ago when I was no longer your priority. When I was no longer important to you. When everything else came before me. When you did not care where I was or what I did. When other people were higher on your list of priorities than me. I was the one who should have been at the top of your list and somehow I was always the last.

You gave me up when your love faded. When you got bored when you did not want to try anything anymore. I have always found new reasons to fall in love with you and find new ways to show it to you. And you have decided to live in the glory of your old glory.

You gave me up when you refused to improve our relationship. It was more fun to stay indoors than to go out. It was more interesting to order food than cooking together. It has always been more interesting to spend more time with others than to think about how to spend a good time alone with me.

Why bother to do something while we’re together? No more flowers, no good morning texts, no kissing and no more seductions. You allowed us to go into a routine of old couples, even if we were not old.

You gave me up when you did not care if you lost me. When nothing was important to you anymore, what I did. If you did not care where I was, who I was with, or how hurt I was. If you did not care if I stayed or left. You gave me up so easily that I wondered if I was ever really important to you.

I tried so hard to keep the two of us together.

I fought so long and I fought until I had no more air in my lungs, no more strength to pick me up until I was too tired to even make a sentence in my head. And even then my lungs breathed for you, my legs rushed to you, my arms were only open for you and the only one I had in my head was you.

You have always been in my mind, I have tried again and again to find new ways to make you perceive me so that you realize how much I tried and how much I cared.

But you did not appreciate me.

You did not care that I was always there for you. My efforts meant nothing to you. Nothing I ever did was important and nothing I did could wake up your old self. It’s as if the guy I was in love with was long lost and I was too blind to see it.

You do not care if I’m happy or unhappy.

Everything that happened has cut my heart. You did not care if I was unhappy or how hurt I was. I’ve realized that I’m not as important to you as I was back then and that I do not mean half as much as you do to me.

You were so fed up with everything.

And you did not do anything about it. You just let everything go as if nothing was sacred to you, as if what we went through did not mean anything to you. It does not matter to you, everything is temporary and not amusing after a while.

But I did not have that luxury, you know.

Because I am different. And if I love, I love to the end. I do not allow myself to get tired or bored and never give up. I fight as long as there is something worth fighting for. As long as it makes sense.

I fought desperately.

I fought for you as if my life depended on it. I tried and tried again and again. I always found hope where nobody thought to look, I stayed by your side, even if someone else had left long ago. I refused to believe that your love had an expiration date. But I’m done with the blindness.

It took me a while to realize that I should not fight for a man who is already standing with one leg out the door. You did not give me up because I did something wrong. You did not give me up because I was too attached or because I let you down. You’ve given up because the commitment to a single person means really trying every single day to keep the love burning. And that’s too much for you.

Now it’s my turn to give up.

It’s okay, I understand that. You were bored, you did not want to try it anymore. You were hoping that things would be great, even if you stopped trying. And when they were not, you decided to give up instead of waking up.

Now it’s my turn to give up. Now it is my turn not to fight for someone who does not want to stay, for someone who does not care about me. I give up. I give up my daily job of being the only one who really cares. Now it’s my turn to do exactly what you did to me.

I will save my efforts for someone who notices them. I save my love for those who do not take it for granted. And I fight for someone who does not want to give me up so easily.


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