Your soulmate is not who you think they are
who is your soul mate Sometimes your soulmate is not who you think they are. Sometimes it’s the person you least expect to be your soulmate. Confused? Read on and learn more about how your soulmate is not who you think they are.
We all have our own romantic ideas about what it will be like to find true love. how it will go how it will feel How he or she will look, sound and act. Even how he or she will love.
And every once in a while we actually release that person.
There they are! In the bar, standing next to us! Or down the hall at work! Or in line at the bookstore! You are perfect. Everything we imagined. And so we grab it. And hunt. And look for them. And display our best behavior. And fight for a chance at the perfect connection that we’ve been picturing in our heads for so long.
And sometimes it works!
We get her phone number. And a date! And a second date! And sometimes it goes on for a month or two! But eventually things go wrong.
What once seemed effortless becomes tedious. Suddenly, the perfect conversations don’t flow so easily anymore. The shine of the apple has worn off. It’s work now. And who has time for that?
And this is the point at which many a relationship comes to an unhappy end. Because the other person thinks there should only be constant magic. That everything else is just a false symbol.
But we’re still chasing them! We want her back! We think about what we can do to save the sinking ship. Should we change? Adjust our behavior? Change our whole personality? After all, this is about love. It’s definitely worth making sacrifices for, isn’t it?
Because there’s a terrible notion in the world of romance : if it’s not hard, it’s not real. True romance has to be earned, we believe. to be fought for. Just survive. If it’s easy, it’s fake. Superficial. Too simple.
We must suffer for love. We need to cry with a certain regularity. We have to keep losing our faith, only to barely regain it.
I humbly claim that such belief is the romantic equivalent of 100% first class bullshit. Perhaps it stems from the puritanical beginnings of our culture. The idea that everything that is great is worth suffering for.
While I agree that love takes work, patience, and forgiveness, I don’t think it should involve constant damage control. If the relationship you’re in requires constant acrobatic maneuvers to stay afloat, then it’s not a relationship, it’s a doomsday project.
Relationships should generally be easy. If they require a lot of work, something is wrong.
Chances are that either:
A) One (or both) of you isn’t stable enough to even be in a relationship, and you need to go it alone to learn how to make yourself happy without having to sustain yourself. (And yes, I have experienced this many times).
B) One of you has unrealistic expectations of what the other should accomplish on a regular basis. (And yes, this has happened to me too.) They think you should entertain them all the time. Or spoil them with food and drink. Or be spoiled. Or be saved emotionally. Or be saved financially.
Neither is sustainable.
So I tell you this:
Don’t chase after that person you can barely hold on to when you’re at the peak of your powers. Break free from the one person you can be happy with even when you’re having a bad day. Or a week. Or a month. Because those days will happen many, many times over the course of a relationship.
And the person who’s only happy with you when you’re a superhero won’t stay with you when you’re ultimately a mortal again and need them to be there for you instead.
So leave out the supermodel. Striving to possess your personal Jessica Alba or David Beckham. It might be heaven for a week or two, but they’d probably dump you if you couldn’t be the epitome of perfection for more than 2-3 seconds at a time.
The perfect Mister or Miss Right couple that we’ve all envisioned in our hearts won’t survive the endless ordinary days that real life throws at us.
The person who really suits you is probably cleverly disguised as the one you work with every day. Or the one you’ve known in your circle of friends for five years. Who’s seen you through your best and worst times. And he’s still there, believing firmly in your immense potential. And he’s probably an amazing lover if you would just give him a chance.
This is the person who will be really easy to deal with in the long run.
So the next time you’re looking for the right one, don’t look to a step or pedestal to fulfill your fantasies. Turn around and look behind you. To the person you may have overlooked. The person who is quietly everything you need and more.
You just have to take a closer look at them.