Why I practically prayed for him to cheat on me

Who would really want their own boyfriend to cheat on them? I prayed that he would cheat on me.

I even hoped that another woman would trick this guy into cheating on me. I felt kind of guilty for this thought I was having, but I knew my intentions were not malicious.

To me, cheating is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. To me it is an act that is unforgivable.

And that’s exactly why I wanted it to happen to me. Because I knew that if he cheated on me, I would finally be brave enough to leave him. I thought it would somehow make this all easier.

Breaking up can be really difficult, especially if you’re scared of a partner who’s toxic to you. Our relationship consisted of heated arguments and control issues that kept making me angry and feeling helpless.

He portrayed me as the bad guy in the relationship and treated me in an absolutely inhuman way. His harsh words made me feel like I was constantly dealing with a vicious bully—a person who hated me and expected only the worst of me.

Hardly a week went by that he didn’t search my cell phone or I wasn’t interrogated and questioned like I was by the police. At one point I was afraid to sleep in or leave my phone on, knowing he would try to control it. I knew how he would react if I didn’t reply to his messages right away. He often texted me and threw things at me.

I always swore to myself that I would never be with someone like that – and here I was.

He always made me think I owed him something. I have never betrayed or betrayed him, and yet nothing would convince him otherwise.

Our good days became fewer and fewer, and by the end of our time together, arguments became normal. I stopped talking to my male friends. He even had all my passwords and I had no more privacy. 

I was tired of walking on eggshells and wanted a way out.

I wanted him to cheat on me so I could prove him wrong and I’m not the bad guy anymore. I craved the satisfaction of proving him wrong.

I wanted him to cheat on me so I could finally be in control.

I pictured in my head what it would be like. You can call me vindictive, spiteful, or insane, but I loved the idea of ​​catching him in the act like a criminal.

While that would have hurt me, I felt like I needed it to motivate myself to walk. I loved him too much, and no matter how toxic our relationship was, I just couldn’t seem to let it go. 

He wasn’t always that bad – that was the problem!

It was a love-hate relationship between us with the intensity of a roller coaster ride that made me absolutely addicted to him. I thought for a long time that his actions were my fault. I figured cheating would be the last straw and that I needed it to end our relationship. Why his behavior alone wasn’t enough to get him to leave still shocks me to this day.

It’s so easy to ignore the signals when you believe there is a real connection between you and your partner.

I now realize that I never overreacted.

After a few brief breakups, our relationship eventually ground to a halt. I saw a therapist who opened my eyes to what I was experiencing and helped me understand that this relationship is not normal.

You shouldn’t have to see a therapist to know if your relationship is healthy or not. However, sometimes you get to that point and you need an outsider to help you come back to reality and realize that you deserve so much more.

Don’t wait until you get out of there somehow.

If you can relate to that, don’t pray that your partner will cheat on you at some point and things will sort themselves out. You should never tolerate even the slightest disrespect. You should be treated kindly every day, never should he yell at you to make you feel small.

I know that you may never have felt so close to someone that your partner isn’t always mean to you, but that doesn’t excuse their emotionally abusive behavior. Going through such a relationship can be extremely isolating. But this happens far more often than we think.

It’s easy to stay, and there will always be good times mixed with bad times. It’s a cycle that will only leave you more drained. You might hold out for a while until you reach a breaking point and have the courage to finally leave.

Your relationship shouldn’t make you cry every day, it shouldn’t send you to a therapist. It’s not something to be taken lightly, as words can really hurt you.

So never call yourself dramatic or sensitive when something can have real consequences for your mental health. As cliche as that sounds, love should make you happy. Every relationship has problems, but there are ways to deal with them in a healthy way.

Why I practically prayed for him to cheat on me

zodiac shine

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