THE PSYCHOLOGY OF TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS
Can narcissists love each other? And can you really love a narcissist? Can you even love someone who abuses you?
Women pray and hope that the answer is yes. They seek hope and confirmation that their partners will change if they stay, persevere and continue to prove their love.
How can I love someone who abuses me? This is the one question faced by those who have never had a relationship in which they were abused. You wonder why women do not leave their partners.
One has to say that these people are very dependent on their partner, even if this is violent. It is not uncommon for women to fall in love with a man who was first a charming, charismatic guy who later became violent.
He did not come into the relationship with the intention of hurting his wife. Sometimes the partners have the same hopes and dreams that this relationship will become as they both needed. In the beginning it feels like that and you think that this person is the One.
BUT CAN NARCISSISTS REALLY LOVE?
Both partners are obviously in love. The problem is that it is not a healthy form of love. Because it is a conditional love. They love each other on the basis that the other would meet each other’s deep-seated insecurities and needs.
For example, one person has a low self-esteem and longs for recognition and needs his partner. He is afraid of being abandoned. In addition, the partner gives him the feeling of being special. Just great.
But not long after, it reveals its darker side. He bases his behavior on traumatic events in his past. Whereupon the other partner gets pity. He has made it his mission to protect and save him. He thinks: If only I could love him enough, he would eventually return his love.
But that’s not how it is.
“I CAN HEAL THE WOUNDS THIS BAD AND BEAUTIFUL MAN HAS.”
It gives you the feeling to be needed and to be good. And that is enough for most people. Because that’s what love means to them. “I love him. He needs me. “
This works for a while, too.
Although he shows her his faults, she accepts him and loves him all the more. She ignores all the red flags that told her to run away. Her entire focus on him makes him feel powerful. It gives him the warmth and security he needs. He loves her for it.
He feels so good, he puts her on a pedestal. She is unlike any girl he had met before. He just feels great about her.
But it does not take long and things take their course. Because you can not hide forever from his inner insecurities. He begins to doubt, to test her love, to push her away. He suddenly sets up rules she can never live up to. He wants to prove her immortal love for him so that he can be sure of it.
And then at some point abuses follow.
“DOES SHE STILL LOVE ME WHEN SHE SEES WHO I REALLY AM?”
She is no longer sure and is beginning to question his behavior. The signs show her that she should go away. And that’s when the loving, attentive man comes out again. The one where she feels so good again. And she stays.
Her partner was again the entire focus of her world. She loves him, tries to help him, to save him, to change him. That made him feel good again. For a while.
This is how the cycle of abuse works. Both need each other to fulfill uncertainties. But none of us can heal the partner. The internal well they both had was bottomless buckets. And the deep-seated needs are insatiable.
So the abuse cycle goes on and on.
Feel great, feel depressed, feel great again, be abused again. This not only demands a lot of nerves, but also dampens the self-confidence.
And at some point you have reached the absolute low point. Then suddenly the light bulb goes out in your head and you realize:
“THAT’S NO LOVE!”
It’s an unhealthy side condition. It’s a dysfunctional dance based on everyone dancing the right unhealthy steps. If you are in an abusive relationship or have experienced it in the past, you should not hesitate and act long. Think of you and your own good.
Are you in love with someone who hurt you? Caught in an abusive or disturbed cycle? Then realize that you are going to break yourself with it. You deserve to be loved and treated respectfully. Fight for it and free yourself from this toxic relationship.