“My name is Alexander, and I’m 35 years old, my situation is this: I love my girlfriend quite strongly, we spend a lot of time together, but as soon as it comes to the registry office, I immediately lose the joy of our conversation. And I have a panic fear. This situation is not the first time, I tried to figure out why, if I love and want to be with this person, I’m not ready to take responsibility for our life together? This question remains unresolved for me. ” Such statements by young and not very men I often hear in my psychological counseling sessions and in divination sessions on Tarot cards.
I am sure that 70% of the world’s population met with such thoughts and conclusions, and, by the way, such fears come not only from men, women also have them. Let’s try to figure out why men and women are afraid to marry, why, living together, we cannot decide to formalize relations and continue to live in the future, why do men think that the stamp in the passport will fundamentally change their lives? And why are women not ready all their lives to put up with civil marriage?
Before you understand the true motives of fear of marriage, you need to understand that, like women, men are divided into types and categories. And already actually from them it is possible to determine the main motive of fear. All these characteristics apply to both s*xes, but here we will focus on men. These are the categories.
Not having walked up – this mainly refers to the young generation, for them to marry means to imprison themselves in a cage, to be faithful to one woman, and there are so many beauties around. I would love to try them … Hence the fear of depriving yourself of all these pleasures, so such a man will not run to the registry office until he walks up. And only after being fed up with all the charms of a bachelor’s life, such a man will want to relax, he will want love and affection, and only then is he yours.
The eternal bachelor. Such a man is used to living alone, he relies only on himself and is afraid to let a woman into his life. This man thinks that he is physically unable to get along with another person. Therefore, even in a state of extreme love, he is in no hurry to make an offer, because marriage completely upsets his balance.
Divorced . This type has already scooped a fly in the ointment. He knows everything, he tried everything, and now he is afraid to make a mistake again. A divorced man will look closely at the woman more closely, will test her feelings for strength. It is possible that only civil marriage will be offered. And only after all the tests are completed, he can mature before formalizing the relationship. But such a person definitely needs time, give him one and everything will be OK!
Coward.This is the most common type. Such men are primarily afraid of responsibility. If earlier he was alone and could manage his life as he saw fit, then after the wedding he no longer belongs to himself. Next to him is a man whom he simply must take care of and whose opinion must be taken into account. And this cannot but affect his way of life. Will have to change their habits, adapting to your spouse, because now he is not alone. On the one hand, it’s great! What could be better than to tie the knot with a beloved. But on the other hand, it will be necessary to abandon much that was in the past – a free life. Funny drinking with friends, spontaneous trips, buying a new motorcycle or car, followed by fasting and paying off debts – all this will have to be forgotten. A new life begins: joint plans, joint budget, joint spending. A man in this case is afraid of change, afraid of becoming dependent on a woman. Marriage is a serious step, for it you need to mature materially and psychologically. That is why many of the men pull their hands and hearts with an offer, despite the fact that they sincerely love their passion.
Unadapted. Also a very common type of men, with them it is hardly possible to build stable relationships with them. They respect the idea of marriage, but are so busy with creative work that there is no time left for the family. Such men are called unsuitable for family life. They are not made for marriage. This unrecognized “genius” can go headlong into creativity and not answer calls. So if you meet a similar person, be prepared to put up with the role of an eternal girlfriend.
As you can see, the psychology of relations between a man and a woman has its own characteristics. Alexander, mentioned by me at the beginning of the article, cannot or does not want to assume responsibility for relations. He is afraid to be captured and become a hostage to marriage. I am sure that these fears, or simply the reluctance to marry, are dictated not by one point, but by several. But also, men should understand that their companions are not ready to forever play the role of common-law wives. For a woman, marriage is an important event, and it is not only a white dress, a bouquet or a wedding procession. The fact is that a woman who officially married, considers herself more protected, she really is so calmer.
Therefore, advice for women: no need to force events, no need to repeat to your beloved, like a parrot, that you are made for each other. Otherwise, there is a great risk of being left with nothing. After all, a direct attempt on the freedom of a gentleman can destroy your connection, in other words, a guy can simply escape from you. They say that nothing scares men like a woman whose eyes read: “I want to get married!” It’s better to gently and unobtrusively, step by step bring him to the idea (just don’t voice her) that he cannot find a better couple than you . Slowly get into his life and take root there. Take an interest in everything that happens to him, what worries him, but never interrogate. And if a loved one is most concerned about the preservation of freedom, find out what exactly he considers to be a sign of loss of independence. Specialists in the field of love psychology believe that for one it’s the general budget, for the other it’s presence at family events … They found out, and now free your beloved from participating in unpleasant rituals for him. Put yours and his freedom above all else. Make him no longer feel like a game, and you – a hunter, driving him into the trap of marriage. And so, let slowly and surely, you both come to the conclusion that marriage is not a disease, it does not hurt, and it makes you both closer to each other.