It’s really hard to describe. But for so long it felt like an important part of me was missing.
I wake up and turn around again looking for a dream in which you met me. I lay there for a while thinking about everything I had done wrong.
The sweatshirt you gave me stayed untouched in the closet but was never thrown away. Your favorite book is gathering dust on the shelf. And the photo booth image that had aged over time faded just as we have over the years.
Over the years I have taken many guys to the place that used to be ours.
But I always asked them not to sit where we first sat.
There is still food that makes me think of you because you were the one who made me try these.
There is still beer that I drink with you on my mind because it was your favorite.
Your name is no longer mentioned in the conversation. People stopped wondering where you are and what you are doing now. All except me.
And every birthday I wondered if you’d text me or call me, but I was scared to discover that you didn’t miss me at all.
Our presence in the social networks no longer exists and every sign that you were such an important part of my life was no longer tagged, but also not to be forgotten, as I still think of you and feel empty because these thoughts take too much time.
But the truth is you took a piece of me with you when you left.
What you don’t know is that every Sunday I still pray for you and ask God if you will come back. Every year I sent a card or wrote another letter in the hope that you would reply. And people ask me why I keep trying and I look at a quote that I wrote on my wall that I read every day.
“When someone is in your heart, they are never really gone. They can come back to you at unlikely times “(Mitch Albom)
How many letters have I written? One per year for the past 5 years.
5 years. 5 years and I still see you with me in my reflection. I see things about myself that made me who I am thanks to your love. Thanks to the things you taught me and thanks to the person you meant to me.
The truth is that I was myself and someone to be proud of, but the truth is also that I became like that thanks to you. And if you’d taken all of that away from me, you’d see a piece of yourself in it too.
My life began to develop as it had for years.
Then one day it happened. Your name appeared on my cell phone as I always wanted it to. Caught somewhere between excitement, fear, and disbelief, I knew you were back.
Small conversations turned into plans. Which made me move 15 times and look at myself in the mirror before meeting you. A million questions went through my mind, but for some reason, the answers didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that we were together again.
Background critics became sounds that I ignored because it didn’t matter what they thought. The only thing that mattered was you.
In a crowded room where people were singing and a party was going on, I saw many faces and looked at you. For the first time, I felt whole as if nothing was missing in my life.
And I grabbed your hand and pulled you inside because I finally got the only thing I wanted for half a decade and my heart was whole again.
Because you were more than just someone I loved then, you taught me that love doesn’t wear off with time.
You taught me that love is strong enough to overcome time, circumstance, and heartbreak. You gave me something to believe in, a blind belief that I wondered about existed.
But somehow despite the doubt and the questions I never gave up. Although many couldn’t understand it, there were moments when I couldn’t either, I never stopped believing that you would find my way back to me.
I look at you now and people say I’m happier. The truth is, I’m the happiest, best version of me when you stand next to me.