And what you absolutely shouldn’t do if you want him back. ..
In today’s relationship culture, the thing between two people often starts very well and then the connection suddenly begins to vanish.
Maybe you are meeting a guy who suddenly seems distant every time things seem to be going well between you and you wonder if the relationship is doomed or if there is something you can do.
Understanding why men withdraw after getting closer can help you understand how to react to a possible break in contact or a long silence and how to pull it back towards you.
First of all, you need to know the number one reason why men withdraw from good women they seem to fall in love with: fear.
Okay, but afraid of what?
You had so much fun together! You have so much in common and every date was filled with laughter, flirting and butterflies in your stomach.
Then, just when you thought that something could really come of it, he started to withdraw.
Now he is much harder to reach and it takes longer to respond to your texts, and he rarely has time to see you. Then when you talk to him or see him, he seems distant and maybe even a little cold – and you have no idea what happened or what you might have said to trigger this change.
Sometimes his fear has nothing to do with you but is based on negative experiences from his past.
These can be related to independence or uncertainties.
It might just be emotionally too immature to deal with the depths of intimacy that you entered into together.
Or he could still worry about issues from previous relationships where he and his ex didn’t share the same values. Or she may never have been physically drawn to him or thought that his personality is too exaggerated, and he is concerned that you may think the same.
Many men’s heads work a little differently than women’s heads. It shouldn’t be generalized too much, but men often have trouble being able to say exactly what turns them off. In addition, whatever is on his mind might have nothing to do with you, and yet he may simply not be able to tell what exactly drives him away.
In addition, many men simply withdraw because the idea of a serious relationship causes them to panic.
This may be due to past heartache, childhood insecurities or trauma. Perhaps he has been taught or convinced that he is not good enough and since then he has had trouble allowing himself to be vulnerable.
And sometimes it is simply because he realizes that he would rather stay single and free.
So is he afraid of binding himself or is he afraid of falling in love?
Some men withdraw when they realize that they are developing real feelings for you. Unfortunately, this can also happen at the very moment you realize that you are developing real feelings for him!
This fear of love comes from the fact that suddenly an important stake is at stake.
They start to worry about the possible outcome of the relationship and that affects their behaviour. You become nervous, which leads to uncomfortable feelings of vulnerability that many people cannot deal with.
At the same time, you may have started to imagine your future together.
By doing so, you tie yourself more to the happy ending you hope for and start to be afraid of losing your dream – now that it feels so close. As a result, you are no longer in the current moment of getting to know each other and instead fixate on what he feels for you – and that influences your behaviour towards him.
In general, people do not respond positively when someone with a funny, charming personality becomes someone who is constantly looking for confirmation.
When you realize that you really like someone – someone you feel good with – it is normal to want to bond with them. This often happens without you even noticing it, but it changes your vibrations.
Men notice that.
He may not be able to say exactly what it is, but he is starting to think you are clingy. If a man gets the feeling that you are too much behind to make things official and tie him up, he can panic and withdraw.
How do you react to a man who withdraws and even appears to be about to break contact completely?
If you are still in the seduction phase with someone, the most important thing is to keep your self-confidence.
Confidence is important, and that’s because:
If you want to seduce a man with whom you want to build a stable relationship, you have to underline your true personality. Too many people make the mistake of playing a part so that someone falls in love with them – and it always backfires as soon as the other person realizes that you were not authentic.
Being truly confident protects you from being needy or clingy – which could cause someone to leave the dust, especially if it’s early in a burgeoning relationship.
Here are three steps for you if you feel that he is withdrawing:
1. Focus on yourself
When a man withdraws, your first act should be to move your focus away from him and back to the task of creating and leading your dream life. Make progress in your professional projects and goals. Go to the gym and get the endorphins flowing. Do things with your friends. Try new things.
And of course: Don’t be afraid to post pictures and status updates on Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp about all the fantastic things that are going on in your life. Contact him a little less and give him the opportunity to ask yourself what’s going on with you.
Social media can be a great tool for presenting yourself in a positive light – just make sure that the light in which you present yourself is authentic.
People who live their lives fully and are happy with themselves leave a lasting impression – and that is exactly what you want to achieve with your new, albeit distant, potential partner!
2. Be less accessible
You have to be a challenge. Instead of worrying about why he doesn’t seem as interested as he did in the beginning, make sure he sees pictures of you and a possible life with you that make it practically impossible for him to resist.
You don’t need to break the contact and go away – but report less and make him wonder where you went. Don’t ignore his messages, but let him take the first step more often than you do.
By the way, this is something you shouldn’t stop when the relationship gets going again. You make a man fall in love with you and stay in love by maintaining a fantastic life.
3. Let him know where you are
Men who withdraw are not used to being held accountable for this behaviour. To be precise, nobody is used to it. That is why there is so much so-called “ghosting” in the area of dating and relationships these days.
As you embark on your mission to stay busy, build your self-esteem, and live your best life, write him something like this:
“Hey, I have a feeling that you are not quite sure what you want right now. It’s okay, but I’m going to keep a little distance. ”
You don’t need to take this literally, but avoid adding something like, “So let me know if you have the time, I’d really like to see you again!”
Completing the message would give him all the power again. You want to assert yourself against him and at the same time remind yourself that you are in control of what happens in your own life.
By sending him a message like this, you are not trying to play detective or find out what is going on – you are only clarifying the obvious. So be careful with your wording and make sure not to grasp the fact that you are giving up your power. You just want to remind him that you don’t need him and make sure he knows you won’t be waiting long.
Men, like women, find the opposite of clingy behaviour extremely attractive.
Now that you know what to do, what shouldn’t you do?
The more he withdraws, the closer you want to get. If your last twenty messages and calls are unanswered, you’ll want to keep trying until you get an answer.
It’s understandable that his distance feels so incredibly frustrating. You have spent so much time together, and now it is not even a separation – just pure, extreme, and inexplicable solitude, but you have to control yourself.
Whatever you do, don’t let it turn into telephone terror! Give him space and avoid talking for a while.
If you want to get the chance to get the relationship going again, avoid these common mistakes:
– Don’t bother him. It doesn’t do anything to bother him. Sometimes it’s not even communication you’re looking for, it’s just an answer. But nobody wants to talk to someone who suffocates him. Let a little time pass before you report back.
– Don’t spy on him. And please don’t send your friends out to spy on him or, worse, get information out of him for you.
– Don’t put it on a pedestal. It’s normal to forget his mistakes if you miss him, but don’t be fooled into thinking that he could be better or more valuable than you in any way. Now focus on yourself.
– Don’t ask your friends about him. Something like that gets on quickly.
It is important that you do not allow your emotions to be disrespectful towards the person you are watching.
Above all, his lack of response should never cause you to offend or threaten him.
Perhaps you are overwhelmed by the need to tell him everything you think and therefore have trouble mastering your tone or choice of words – but you don’t want to end up in this kind of situation. This kind of irreparable mistake can give him a real reason to never contact you again.
Despite your frustration, it’s extremely important to stay calm and not freak out about him. And when you talk to him, focus on keeping the dialogue constructive.
It will take a lot of patience to get through this phase, but you will make it.
Filling your daily schedule and staying busy will help you see things realistically.