To the One who was not the One

It is said that if a man is unwilling to commit himself, no woman has a chance with him. Even if you brought him all the ladies of the world and presented them to him on a silver tray, he would not want to bind himself.

It is also said that if a man really appreciates you and does not want to lose you, he will do whatever he can to keep you because that’s the real challenge – and the challenge is not to get anyone – that’s the challenge it to hold someone.

I tried to find a happy middle ground between two paradoxical facts, so I gave you your time, but at the same time I wanted more from you. We had good times, we laughed, we had intimate conversations, and we had a very strong connection, but you had that with many other women as well, and I did that with many other men.

Sometimes I feel that we behaved more like friends than lovers, but is not that a good thing? Either way, I wanted to get this to work with us. I was tired of failed relationships, I was tired of meaningless affairs, I was tired of being lonely, I was just tired and you gave me something to fight for.

It’s important to understand that you always want to be a little more loved and a little better understood, and sometimes you can not just keep these two truths under wraps.

I think the older you get, the more you look for those who can comfort you and be there for you, as opposed to someone you can have fun with or just kill time.

You want security – knowing that when everyone gets out of your life, that person will walk in, and I never felt that – I felt that you were at the forefront of people who constantly disappointed me. So I went, and maybe looked back a few times, but it was nothing but pure nostalgia.

I suspect that’s what’s funny about relationships, you think you want something from a certain relationship, just to realize that you want something completely different.

I do not know if it’s because you get to know yourself better, or because in the darkest moments, when you’re alone in bed and thinking about the meaning of life, you realize that you’re always more loved and loved wants to be understood a little better, and sometimes you can not just keep those two truths under wraps.

You have always been “busy” doing other things; sometimes you had absolutely nothing to do, but you were always “busy” and eventually I became “busy” and started giving more time to people who had time for me.

Why do we always remember those who are always there for us when we can not find anyone else? Why can not we value their presence without feeling their absence?

When I saw how great you were to your friends, I realized that you are capable of being a Giver & Generous Man – just not me. How should one explain this? I don’t know. Maybe the whole “should not have been” thing comes into play here. We did not get the best out of us. Why? Because we were not meant to.

Thank you for teaching me that you can still reject me, no matter how much I try to change myself to please someone.

Thank you for clearing the way for me to find out who I should be with, what kind of man I should look for and what I want from a relationship. Thank you for teaching me that men can still reject me, no matter how much I try to change myself to please someone.

Thank you for making me embrace my core and stop changing myself for a relationship that does not distance you. Thank you for letting me know that people say we are so ‘perfect’ together, and then say, ‘we’ve seen it coming’ when it’s over. I learned not to hear her anymore.

Thank you for letting me know how dangerous the love affair can be – we do things we never thought possible, blinded by the obvious facts, and cling to threads of false hope.

It was not easy to get over you – attachment is a double-edged sword, but I’ve learned that in relationships it’s better to break your own heart and keep yourself from falling apart.

Thank you for alerting me to the lines we should not cross in relationships and how blurry those lines can be when in love.

Thank you for bringing me a little closer to “the One.”


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