To be in love with love, is it wrong?
It seemed perfect, the real real love.
But then, somehow, everything changed.
And I desperately wanted it to work again. So I found excuses and reasons to stay.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved her, that person, and I was sure she was the right one for me despite everything.
The other or the emotion?
I’m sure you’ve been there too.
The problem is that when you force yourself that much, chances are you won’t be in love with a “real” person. Instead, you’re probably in love with the idea of being in a relationship with her.
Let me explain to you.
Before I was heartbroken for the first time, I wondered why people seemed to make such a big deal out of their breakups, why they seemed so depressed.
But when it was my turn, the word “pain” took on its full meaning: indeed, it was dramatic and depressing.
Having always enjoyed tweaking my brains, I wondered why it hurt so much.
Was it because the person we loved was no longer by our side? Or because we miss what we felt with her terribly? Put differently: is it the loss of this person in our life or simply the feeling that they gave us, of being loved?
In my case, I realized that it was less the person themselves than the feeling of being loved by them.
Misconceptions about love
Many of us have experienced this passionate form of love, especially in our youth.
You know, that state where you suffer physically when you are separated from your loved one. Where you cling to every word he says. When the hours spent together feel like minutes. Where you can’t keep your hands away from each other.
For the majority, this type of love is encountered relatively young, before the experience turns into emotional baggage and walls erected around hearts.
It’s when you love to the fullest, with your arms and heart wide open.
For some lucky people, this love becomes their lifelong partner, but this is still quite rare.
For the rest of us, we find ourselves chasing after that feeling, comparing the love received now versus before.
In a desperate quest for that all-encompassing feeling of love.
But, is it really love? What does “love” really mean? How do we know we love someone?
Passionate love rhymes with eternal, right?
Yes but no.
I think most of us are in love with the idea of being in love.
We pursue this sentiment tirelessly. We feel the spark of the new and the intensity of the passion… And then as soon as they wane, we are disappointed.
We were led to believe that if this is true love and that feeling will last forever.
None of the fairy tales on TV have ever shown us what life is like after “and they lived happily ever after”.
We were led to believe that this passionate love in the final scene will be eternal, acquired.
That nothing is more beautiful than love, romance. We are pushed to find our perfect soul mate. Someone who understands us.
But the truth is, we think we know what love means, except we mostly try to mold the situation (and a partner) to match that.
Or, rather than really seeing our partner as a person, we see their “potential.”
You want someone who treats you like a prince or princess, someone who spoils you, someone who puts you on a pedestal, someone who makes you feel a certain way, someone who soothes all your fears.
In short, the common denominator is “what can it offer me?” » and never « what do I have to offer ».
You tend to change partners very quickly and often, because you are always looking for someone better.
You don’t have patience: the pace at which the relationship must evolve must be FAST.
And it’s not for lack of trying to take it easy though!
It’s just that all of a sudden your life becomes an abundance of obsessive thoughts about the other person. You are around her all the time, you are literally addicted to the feeling of being with her.
Well, okay, that’s not uncommon in the honeymoon phases of lovemaking, but the difference is whether or not you’re really trying to control those urges.
Most of the time, you’re out of control, because you want to feel love like this: fast, immersive, all-consuming, delirious.
My advice ? Find the middle ground
The reality of being with someone and going through thick and thin with them shouldn’t wear you down.
True love is more than just romance, it’s a choice.
It is a commitment to continue to love someone despite their flaws and failures. It’s loving him when a devastating disease comes along.
It will be to continue to love him when he gets old.
Love is more than having an emotional boost. Love is never easy and that’s what makes it all the more beautiful.
So in the first place, stop believing that you need to have someone in your life, because that’s what will lead you to be in love with an idea rather than a person.
Instead of trying to find someone, anyone, to fill that void inside you, start by discovering who you are and enjoying life for yourself.
We can’t say it enough, but once you’re comfortable with yourself and yourself alone, you’ll be more likely to attract others with the same energy, including partners. potentials.
In the long run, I guarantee you, you will have more rewarding relationships.