I think that fixing on boys who are not good for us is a curse, but we do it anyway.
The question is, why do not we go away when we realize someone’s toxicity?
Why are we unable to pack our bags and leave?
It would save so much of our time and spare us a lot of sleepless nights or crying evenings before falling asleep.
When we first meet a toxic person, about whom everyone has warned us, we are blinded by his attention to us and we think we are special because of all the others he chose us.
It’s such a privilege, there must be something extraordinary about us!
The only thing that is extraordinary is our naivety to come to believe that we are special when in fact we are only prey to the worst human predators of all time.
And although they are shut up, we stay and wait for them to open because we think they will be the ones who will change them.
But again, such naivety can only lead us to be broken even though at first we hoped to become heroines.
Girls who fall in love with bad boys become dependent on the ups and downs of the relationship.
We are intoxicated by the feelings that a poisonous relationship arouses in us, and that may be the answer to the question, “Why do not we leave?”
Strong of our tendency to go out with bad boys, we do not give up easily. We stay and fight with more aggressiveness than abandon.
In doing so, toxic people take advantage of it to increase our addiction through their abuse. It seems that the more we suffer, the more sticky we become.
At first, the narcissists bombard their victims with love.
Do not get me wrong – they all do it. We are crying for their number “you-my-soul-sister”.
At first, they all make a good impression and we often believe (more than we should) in the stories they sell about us.
At first, they claim to be well meaning and make us feel special. But none of this lasts long.
With the narcissists, there is no discussion about their previous relationships and if there are, we quickly notice that their love stories are brief, overlapping and toxic.
Warning signals come on in all directions, but you have to pay attention. People end up not seeing them anymore and it is easy to spot their superficial and insincere feelings, but in most cases they are only done once it is too late.
Narcissistic people make their victims feel they have no value.
No one who agrees with herself would stay with a narcissist. This is something that narcissists are perfectly aware of and it is for this reason that they are quick to make sure that their victims feel of little value.
They need little time to belittle others and point out each of our flaws, while they see themselves as perfect. It’s their way of feeling superior – they need to make everyone else feel worthless.
This is how they feed their ego since they consider themselves the ultimate divine creations. They do not accept criticism and this may be one of the reasons they undermine others’ morale.
They need to surround themselves with broken people, unable to think for themselves and keep quiet – this is the main reason they belittle people.
And once we have the habit of hearing ourselves say that we are not good enough, that they are superior to us and that we are lucky that men like them want to be with us, we start to believe them.
We become dependent on the idea that someone better than us wants to be and stay with us. We remain, even when we know that we should flee for our lives.
All narcissists make their victims afraid.
If we were not afraid of anything, how could a narcissist tighten his grip on us? He could not, that’s why they need to create this fear in order to take control over us.
We are afraid of losing them. We are afraid of never finding better than them. The truth is that they sell extremely well to others, boasting and highlighting their successes constantly, constantly exaggerating.
The worst is that they believe in their lies. They have reached this level of professionalism in the lie, to the point of convincing themselves of their own lies.
We tend to have a better image of them than they really are and over time, the idea that they are the best is growing in us.
That’s why we’re afraid of losing them or letting them go. And that’s why, we accommodate ourselves to constant abuse.
A relationship with a narcissist survives with the hope that ‘better days’ will come but with little evidence to convince us that this will happen one day. – Ramani Durvasula.
Someone has to tell you – going out with a narcissist will not give you super powers. We can not tame the beast.
The “better days” will never arrive and therefore, it is better to put an end to this type of relationship.
The narcissist devours others, consumes their power, melts into the void and shapes new shells. – Sam Vaknin.
The bottom line is that we have to face the reality and the people in their truth. If they are bad and show obvious signs of their narcissism, we must stop being naive and believe that we will be able to change them.
Because for starters, narcissists do not want to change. Why would they want to, when they themselves do not see themselves as toxic?
Nobody in this world is able to convince them that something at home is wrong.
In the case where we would like to be heroines anyway, we ourselves should be saved by going to the very moment we meet someone with the signs of a narcissistic personality. Because it’s the only thing to do.