This time I’m going away because I’ve been at this point many times and I’ve had to learn the hard way that it doesn’t mean I’ll get you all back.
Nothing I can offer will ever be enough for you and that is something that has taken me far too long to realize in the past.
Over the years I’ve wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what I did wrong, but I didn’t see that the problem was never mine. The problem was actually yours, all of you.
I finally know that when you find the right person, you don’t have to force anything or give too much before you’re ready. And you won’t feel like you have to give up every ounce of your being to make it work because you don’t have to sacrifice living your own life to make someone else happy.
I’ve learned that no matter what I give or how hard I fight unless both of you are ready, it’s just a waste of time. I’ve learned that you can never argue with someone who doesn’t understand compromises or the importance of other people’s opinions and that you just feel that their views don’t matter, but they do.
I learned that the right person will accept everything from me, they will listen to my opinions instead of twisting them, and they will not try to control me, shape me, or be ashamed of any one thing.
I now know that I shouldn’t question your plans and that you were wrong from the moment you failed to make your intentions clear.
Most of all, I’ve learned that I don’t have to fix anyone and that it’s not my job to fix anyone.
I am not responsible for your loss, your rejection, or your past and it’s not up to me to build you up to be the person you want to be, that’s your job.
All I can do is love you, be a good friend, and share memories with you. I can listen and give you advice. I can support you and I can be there for you, but I can’t fix you. Over the years, I haven’t counted the number of times I’ve tried to heal someone and got broken in the process.
I am really sorry for the pain you feel and for the struggles you are facing now, but please do not misunderstand my kindness and try to use it as a bandage to heal or cover your wounds.
I had to learn the hard way, but now I know how to forgive and let go because forgiving doesn’t mean holding on. Holding on for too long only messes up new opportunities that come for you and to be honest, I live for them now.
It’s what keeps me going because I know that something better is always waiting for me when I’m ready. So now I’m not going to give a part of myself if I don’t find someone humble enough to meet me halfway.
This year I will put myself first and I will walk away if something is wrong. This year I will not focus on you, I will focus on myself.
Because I deserve someone who is real and it doesn’t matter anymore that you weren’t able to love me because I know that I am and that’s why I’m going to love myself now and wait for what I do deserve.