“Something always brings me back to you. It never takes too long. No matter what I say or do, I will always feel you here next to me until I leave this world … You hold me without touching me. You keep me without chains. I never wanted anything so much as to drown in your love and not feel your tears. “
The truth is that it is difficult to get over something that never really started because you have to keep asking yourself, “What if …”.
It is impossible to end a relationship and continue if you are not sure why you are going to continue. Because it’s not something you can describe. It’s just a feeling.
It is something that ends even though it has not even started. This relationship had everything except that feeling.
He just wanted you as a friend and that broke your heart because you wanted more.
He always had a reason why it can’t work between you right now. So, you always stayed close to him. You haven’t lost faith in a real relationship, even in the moments when you should have. He told you everything you wanted to hear just to keep yourself close.
Because he was interested in you, but not as you deserve it.
The truth was that you didn’t just believe in him, but in everything, you felt because it was so intense.
You fell in love without expecting that love to be returned, and that takes a lot of courage.
Loving something without having to own it is brave and selfless.
You got involved in relationships that were meaningless, but you still expected a little more from them.
Your relationship seemed perfect, but only FAST.
Only that wasn’t what you needed. What you needed was something concrete. Someone you can rely on. Words linked to action. But everything he said sounded nice. And everything about him was almost everything you wanted from a person.
It became the standard with which you compared everyone, only none of them was. And in everyone you met, you just wanted to see him.
But you couldn’t live with false hope that one day he might notice what you’ve known all along.
And everyone advised you to leave. Everyone advised you not to try again and to give you no more trouble. But this effort came naturally – that attention was the only thing that really mattered to you. These conversations were the only ones you wanted to have.
So you were sitting between two chairs. Caught between what you wanted and what you knew you deserved.
And your heart fought against your head like in a boxing match.
You knew very well that you should go, but you also knew very well that if he only said a word, you would turn around and return to him.
And one day you will realize how much time, effort and energy you have invested in someone who could not even meet you halfway.
And you don’t blame him for it. Sometimes people just may not be what you need. And sometimes you have to give your all to accept that.
This knowledge breaks your heart to pieces. Because you don’t want to say goodbye. You don’t want to give up. You don’t want to give yourself up. This is what it feels like to let go of an almost successful relationship. It feels like you’ve lost.
It feels like you just wasted time.
But at the same time, you wouldn’t trade any of it for anything, neither the ups and downs nor anything else that had to do with this relationship.
And you withdraw because you know you have given your all. And it hurts. It hurts like hell to finally let go. It hurts when you want to send him a message, but you know you shouldn’t. It hurts when something reminds you of him or your song is on the radio. It hurts when you drive past the place where you met earlier. And it hurts even more when you lose the belief you had in him.
But what hurts a lot more is that you have to fight this heartache alone and in silence, because nobody knows what is going on inside you.
Because you don’t feel like answering questions like “How long have you been together?” Because you will never have the strength to really answer this question – that’s why it hurts so much. Because you feel so lonely and think you are a fool because you fell in love with someone you weren’t even with.
But nevertheless, you went away even though you knew everything about each other.
He knew you in a way no one in your life will. Because he has spent so much time in your life.
Don’t let the lack of his feelings diminish the value of your relationship.
And the truth is that you will never have such a relationship again. Nobody will ever see you as vulnerable as he did. There is no one you will ever love with all your heart as you loved him. But in time you will get over him and meet someone new who will give you what he could not.
The right person will love you as you did, and it will be the moment you realize what real love should feel like. Not just any complicated game, but a feeling that will be returned to you.
Because that’s what you deserve and get when you fearlessly love someone.
“Goodbye, my almost beloved. Goodbye, my hopeless dream. I try not to think about you Can’t you just leave me alone? “