The real reason women cling to bad boys, toxic men, and emotionally unreachable guys
Men can wreak havoc in a woman’s life – especially if the man the woman is dating is toxic. This naturally raises the question of why women want to date emotionally inaccessible guys in the first place and what drives them to stay with them even though they are absolutely not good for them.
On the one hand there are emotional and psychological reasons behind it, on the other hand this phenomenon is also due to the biochemical nature of a woman. If a woman’s brain is wired in a certain way, she may well become attached to people who are toxic to her.
These can be people who are difficult to reach emotionally, such as narcissists or sociopaths, and make women addicted, so to speak. The woman becomes dependent on the ups and downs of the relationship and can no longer break away from her toxic partner without first going through a withdrawal that is similar to that of a drug addict.
Why is it so difficult to let go of this person when you know they are not good for you?
You should also know that rejection and affection trigger certain messenger substances in us. A separation from a loved one, for example, activates the same brain areas that are active when we feel physical pain.
And since the alternation of rejection and affection in a toxic relationship usually takes place very quickly, mixed messages can be conveyed to the partner.
The following messenger substances can make a perfect chemistry of bonding and easily bind a woman to a toxic man:
Dopamine is a messenger substance that is released through positive experiences. That is why it is one of our happiness. It arises when we get extra attention, receive compliments, have good romance, and when someone does romantic things for us. All of this releases dopamine in our brain and associates our romantic partner with feeling good.
Unfortunately, dopamine is mainly released when there are no consistent rewards, but rather a certain irregularity. As with a slot machine player, the partner only gets a little attention every now and then – depending on how the toxic partner is feeling. This intermittent reinforcement leads to an addiction, just like a gambling addict at his machine who never knows when his winnings will come.
Oxytocin is also known as the cuddle and, as the name suggests, is released through touch. So every time the couple get back together and cuddle after a heated argument, the is released in the body and binds the woman again to the man and makes him trust him again. Oxytocin is also released in men, but it is somewhat dampened by the high proportion of testosterone in the body.
Cortisol, adrenaline, and norepinephrine
Men who are toxic increase the woman’s cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline levels, thereby regulating their response to stressful situations. The woman’s focus on her partner is sharpened by the release of these. In addition, memories based on the feeling of fear can become more firmly established in her. So, with oxytocin still involved, the woman’s fear of separation from her partner is combined with the bond and trust in her partner, making it difficult for her to leave.
Adrenaline is mainly released when the woman is dealing with a very unpredictable partner who every now and then spreads fear and anxiety. Adrenaline also has an antidepressant effect and, like dopamine, makes the woman feel good.
This can make a woman really addicted to a guy. Kind and caring men look pretty old there. Because they tend to bore the woman, and she would rather rush back into that roller coaster ride with a toxic guy.
For the same reason, it also binds even more couples who have experienced a life-threatening situation together. But even in the case of abuse, there can be a kind of “trauma bond” in which the victim unconsciously ties himself to the perpetrator.
Last but not least, the serotonin balance can also decide whether a woman stays with a man or not. Serotonin regulates and stabilizes our mood and is also a happiness . Serotonin levels are quite low in people who have obsessive-compulsive disorder. The same is the case when we humans fall in love or are in a romantic relationship.
Our mood is regulated in this case, but at the same time our ability to make decisions and our judgment is disrupted. Additionally, we feel more encouraged to interact romantic, which in turn releases oxytocin and dopamine.
This creates an endless cycle. You create more and more pleasant memories and feel connected to your partner. Nevertheless, one acts fearfully due to the unpredictable behavior of the partner and tries to walk around the partner on tiptoe for fear of rejection.
However, negative wiring in the brain does not mean that it has to stay that way forever. You can also wire your brain positively by making new neural connections. This is made possible, for example, through social contacts, music, sports, hobbies and other interests. So you can cure your bad boy addiction by replacing your unhealthy rewards with healthy ones.