I did not ask you to enter my life. And yet you came in that evening, very sweet and caring. To be honest, at first, I did not think anything of it. You flirted and I also flirted.
It was not until you grabbed me and kissed me that I realized it could be something. Only when we left the others and you took me to your favourite place and asked me to dance slowly under the stars with you. This guy playing acoustic guitar and I realized that I could fall in love with you.
You initiated everything. I did not know what I was getting into.
But I took the chance.
Only that you did not want me as a person. You always wanted me as a woman. You wanted me for what I was not and for what I was. And so a relationship came about that was physical. But I was unable to separate feelings and sex. You were just a one-night stand, that should have been just one night. But somehow it took longer.
I did not ask for it. I did not ask to be the crazy one, but you made me …
Because you made me feel like I’m the crazy one who cares about you.
Because I felt like an idiot waiting for you when you canceled our plans.
Because you made me participate in a game and I did not ask to play along.
Because you questioned all of my steps and suddenly you were unsure.
Because you made me try harder. I never felt good enough.
Because you made me feel like I was a burden, looking forward to the time we spent together.
Because the only tender words came with the alcohol that was squeezed between your lips.
You told me that I’m the one who overreacted.
Because you had the nerve to make me feel guilty when I was interested in you.
Because you took me fast. But the only thing you gave me was tears.
Because your friends did not like me. But you never said anything that defended me.
Because you always just wanted to get me drunk.
Because you have allowed me to fall in love with you without the intention of loving me.
But you did better. You’ve taught me to never settle for assholes like you.
You have made me better. You taught me to never treat me like this again.
You have made me better. I got self-esteem when you left.
You have made me better. Because my true friends came to me when I reached the low point that night.
But I will take a moment to thank you especially for your time, even if my time was wasted. For your words, even if only my words were the only real ones. For showing me by example what kind of person I do not deserve.
And when the time comes and we meet again, I’ll turn my head and pretend I do not know you.