Some would think that I have it all and that he really is an admirable man.
Even I was swallowed up when he first noticed me, a little cautiously in awe, as if it were strange to him that I even exist.
When our eyes met, I was fresh out of college, tired and drained, more willing to experience life than the toil of work.
Sometimes I even wondered what it would be like if I found someone who could change my whole world.
He was such a man, a successful and young doctor, who seemed as hopeful as I did.
We were both at a crossroads, in the dark, but somehow he didn’t take a step towards me.
I wondered what his gaze meant, and I saw it as an opportunity to ask him to meet.
Yes, I was the first to speak to him, but it seems this was something he wanted.
Before I even had a chance to come to terms with this event, myself and this wonderful and successful man, it happened.
He picked me up in his shiny new car, smiled, and brought me a bouquet of roses, lovingly pronouncing my name.
None of this seemed real and I found it difficult to accept this dream as a reality.
For me, this reality was better than a dream too and I couldn’t wait to embrace this man and get to know every part of him.
I was barely noticed by men, nor am I the type of woman someone would start a war for, but I had this inner conflict that many could identify with.
Torn between humanity and all the things that have been stolen from me in my life, I somehow always hoped for a better tomorrow.
Deep down, I’ve always hoped for love and the comfort I enjoyed as a kid, maybe and just maybe in the arms of a man like him.
He was everything anyone could envy, and I was simple-minded in every way, always hoping for a miracle to change the fate that was written for me in advance.
Somehow I hoped that he could save me, because even as a child I wanted to be saved too.
While I was studying, had two jobs, and was never really valued, maybe he could finally claim me as a princess.
Because after all, I was a woman, and as such I always dreamed of a man who could do that.
That night I found a generous, soft-hearted, almost childlike man who was happy to talk to me and make me feel the way I always wanted.
He respected me, and for the first time I felt understood, that is, until that spell was gone.
As the months went by, I began to see him less and less, and when I started working for a company, his heart definitely stopped beating for me.
Even when I met with him it was the same restaurant, food and conversation, he was barely interested, almost as if he weren’t there.
Then all of a sudden he got what appeared to be a call from another woman and when I asked who she was, he answered calmly, my sister.
Of course I didn’t believe him, and when I got up to leave the table I said come and see me if you can, we seldom see each other even when we’re a couple and he yelled at me angrily.
He said if you were a real friend you would actually pay for my hotel and spend the night there with me, I’m sick of your cheap apartment we stay in.
I just shuddered away and cried, was she really that bad? and was that really a problem for him, many things came to my mind as he said that.
These feelings were mostly shame, regret, and sheer humiliation, because even if my apartment was cheap, I could hardly afford it.
Because I still had hope and only him in my life, I was paying for a nice hotel when he arrived with money I got for overtime.
He was wealthy and successful, but he expected me to be like him, which unfortunately I wasn’t.
Nothing has changed since then, and I didn’t see him in a month until his birthday.
My boss pressured me to work overtime and I kind of begged him to let me travel to him for his birthday and give him his present.
In a brightly colored bag I had bought him a box of chocholates, a bear, and a tie that I thought would look good on him.
Luckily I took a cab and would be there to meet him in an hour and then he called and asked how long I would be with him.
When I said that I would only stay a few hours and then go back because I had to work, he got angry.
Then he repeated the same words, if you were a good friend you would pay for a hotel and stay there with me for a few days.
This time I thought to myself, this man is really nothing but pathetic, but I went to him anyway.
When he saw what I had bought for him, he got even angrier and said that I had offended him with my cheap gift on his holy day.
He threw the bag on the floor and said that he was even embarrassed to be seen with me.
I remember just looking at him and saying:
“You may be a doctor, but you want others to pay for your hotel stay and you may save lives but you don’t even seem human.
That experience has been that of manipulation, financial abuse, and also emotional abuse.
But after everything I’ve been through, I realized that no matter how shiny things appear on the outside, they can be tainted and lost on the inside.
I was glad I wasn’t like him, just as the wonderful man I’m married to today isn’t.
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