What no-one has told you about narcissists is that they are really good at disguising themselves, and a girl dating a narcissist will never realize that she’s meeting one until it’s too late, until she is left alone, broken and leached to find her own body parts again. And it takes a very long time to heal because the consequences of a relationship with a narcissist are immeasurable.
The consequences of a relationship with a narcissist
A girl who has a date with a narcissist will destroy self-esteem. Like the consequences of the relationship with a narcissist, this girl will be completely lost. She will have very little self-esteem if anything remains after the narcissist has finished with her. She will lose her dignity, her value and her belief in herself.
A girl who was with a narcissist will be vulnerable and anxious. The consequences of the relationship with such a venomous guy will be so visible and she will try her best to hide that she is afraid or that anything in this world touches her, but she will not make it. Everything in her eyes, the way she behaves when someone approaches something new to her – everything will scream that she is vulnerable because of her past.
A girl who has a date with a narcissist will only smile because she has to. She will not smile, but to keep those who care for her out of her mind, she will put a smile on her face. She has forgotten how happy she can be and has not been smiling for a long time. That’s the price she had to pay for welcoming the narcissist in her life.
A girl who has a date with a narcissist will avoid talking about what happened. It will develop its own defence mechanism. She will guard herself, she will avoid people and she will try to occupy herself to forget the hell she has been through and the hell she lives as a result of the relationship with a narcissist.
A girl who was with a narcissist will have anxiety and depression. She may not have been like that at the beginning, she was not anxious or depressed, but a narcissist is not without cost. Mostly, anxiety and depression come as side effects of a toxic relationship, and it will take some time for her to start feeling normal.
It will not be easy to recover from a narcissist and survive the aftermath of the relationship with a narcissist. Healing will be a tough and lengthy process, and many people will not understand why it takes so long and why it does not “just get over it”. Only those who really care enough will actually try to stay as long as they need it. Only those who really love her will be with her throughout her life and will be her greatest support because she will never be able to get over it on her own.
This girl, dating a narcissist, forgot the good in man. You can not focus your mind on it, because you’ve probably never experienced anything like this, and you should be happy that you have avoided the bullet. Unfortunately, she does not have that.
She fell in love with the wrong guy and lost so many things. And the worst part is that she does not believe that there are any more good people. She just can not see it because her past forces her to see her tormentor in every person she meets.
She does not recover from lost love or even the failure of a relationship, but from a war.
She will not get over easily what happened to her. It will take more time than you think. And your impatience will only hurt her. If you do not want to help her, do not make it worse by convicting her. Do you think she does not want to be normal or happy, or the way she was before she plunged into the narcissist nest? She would, but she just does not know-how.
She needs constant reassurance. She long ago forgot what it feels like to be fearless – what it feels like not being afraid or not paying attention. She forgot what it feels like to anticipate nothing bad. Therefore, she will often have to hear from you that the nightmare is over and that everything will be fine. She will need to hear from you that she does not have to be afraid and that she does not have to worry because you will always be there to be her rock.
It will be hard for her to trust people. Her past taught her not to trust anyone, because the one she thought was closest to her was the closest to hell. Therefore, she will be doubtful when someone tries new things to enter their lives. She’ll take any good deed with a dose of suspicion and think she’ll pay for it later – and she’ll pay for it.
It will take some time for her to welcome someone who is new to her life, or decides to love. Love is a very strange and unknown feeling for her now. What she once thought to be love turned into the most venomous feeling and made her a prisoner of her tormentor. She will not allow herself to develop feelings towards anyone – least of all the feeling of love. That’s how bruised she is.
She will apologize constantly. Because she has gone through hell, she will have this need to apologize – even for the things she does not need. She learned that the best way to avoid emotional shock is to take the blame, and that’s what she did when she made a date with a narcissist.
It’s something she can barely shake off, so do not be surprised if you hear her say “I’m so sorry” for the smallest thing, because that’s her defence mechanism, and it’ll be a while before she releases him becomes.
She will hide her feelings. In her previous relationship with a narcissist, “feeling” always had a price. The more she showed her feelings, the worse he treated her. That’s why you’ll never be able to see what she really feels. She will be afraid to end up being affectionate, too emotional, too sensitive or even boring with all her emotions. She will be afraid that she does not understand it, so she will follow the easy path by always choosing to absorb her feelings.
Nothing in this process of healing will be easy. She will have frequent mood swings. Often she wants to be isolated, and she will want to protect her heart more. She needs constant confirmation – you have to prove to her day by day that you are there, that you are not leaving and that you understand what has happened to her.
You have to show her that she is not alone, that you care for her and that you two can overcome everything that happened. It will take a lot of time, and she may never become the person you want. All of this will be overwhelming in a few moments.
But it will be worth it. It is not her fault that she is the way she is now. She just does not know how to live differently. She is an amazing person – or at least she was, before she fell into the clutches of a narcissistic man – but she can recover. It takes a lot of time and work, but maybe she will become a normal person.
She needs someone to show her that there are good people in this world. She deserves someone who not only talks, but is there for her, making promises and keeping them. She needs someone to put her first after lying so long on the floor. She needs someone to prove to her that she is important, and someone who is her shoulder to cry on.
She needs someone to help her heal and show her that there is more to her life than what she went through with her narcissist.
She needs a good guy to finally free herself from the aftermath of the relationship with a narcissist. So, if you are interested, then be interested enough to be the right man for her. She deserves to receive the love she has given the wrong person. It deserves to be meaningful.
It is still an amazing girl in her. There is still a woman who is ready to conquer the world and who is destined to live life to the fullest – only this woman is hiding at the moment because she has been hurt and is now afraid. Show her that she has nothing to fear and that all your efforts will make sense when she regains her strength.