The 5 Tips I wish I had received before messing up my love life
Many people still think that being in a relationship, loving, is a hassle.
But this is not true. It’s not the relationships that are difficult, rather it’s the people involved in those relationships that MAKE them difficult.
In other words, you can improve your relationship on your own.
For this, two things you can put in place:
1. Demand more of yourself;
2. Demand more from your partner.
Because in truth, most people are lazy. They think relationships should work like magic, like a well-oiled machine from the start. Thinking like that is quite a fairy tale unfortunately.
Being in a healthy and working relationship takes effort, it’s true. But that doesn’t mean it has to be a hassle! You can have good and happy times if you know how and what to do.
No one has a secret formula for you that will instantly turn your problematic relationship into “and they lived happily ever after with lots of kids.”
But if you follow these few tips, you will be pleasantly surprised to see how much you can improve your love barometer.
So here are the best and most universal love wisdom tips I’ve learned over the years. These are tips I desperately needed when I was single and chained to dead-end stories, despite my best efforts to make them work.
I hope they will be useful to you.
1. Choose your partner carefully
The success of your relationship is determined before you even enter it because it starts with who you choose.
I was the classic chick stereotype who seemed like she could only run into guys that were unobtainable or aloof.
I figured that was just the way modern dating worked, that everyone was being selfish. That it was not me the problem, but them.
Except if you’re constantly chasing after or running into emotionally unavailable partners, the problem is with you.
Take the time to dig deep into why you are attracted to this type of guy. Often it is linked to low self-esteem. Sometimes it’s also a childhood issue, in the way we witnessed the love around us.
This is why you should really challenge yourself if you accumulate failures.
You can’t pick a loser and expect it to turn into a lottery ticket.
Yes, you may be the most amazing woman he’s ever had the privilege of knowing, but that won’t be enough to save him, change him, fix him, or anything you hope to accomplish by dating him. .
You need to see a situation for what it is and just focus on the reality, not your fantasies of what it might be.
Focus on what matters and choose someone who respects you. Choose someone who will give 100% to you, who will listen to you, will be available.
Because you have to realize that love is not enough to overcome incompatibility and emotional baggage.
You have the power to choose who you want to be with, make good use of that choice!
2. When a guy likes you, you don’t always have to wonder if he does.
Most of the time, your gut tells you on its own, but you keep shutting it up because of the sweet nothings your guy whispers in your ears when you’re together.
It’s typical of women in love: they make excuses for the men in their lives, all the while wondering, “Does he really love me?” »
Do not allow a man to manipulate and exploit you.
If your intuition is telling you something, please listen to it, because most of the time it won’t be wrong.
Often, some men play on your naivety and take advantage of it to use you. These kinds of men come in different forms: one might use you to satisfy their needs, another their financial needs, and another might even use you for their social status.
Yet when a man loves you, it’s obvious.
You don’t question that feeling because you know it’s a ridiculous question.
It’s so clear and simple to see that he loves you! You know it and everyone around you knows it.
A man is not going to behave (too) weird with a girl he likes. He wouldn’t want to take the risk of losing her!
The only time a guy will act weird, uncertain, or confused is when he’s confused because he doesn’t really know how he himself feels.
If the actions do not correspond to the pretty words, wind!
When you ask yourself the question, there are no more questions to ask yourself…
3. Stress ruins relationships
You’ll probably agree that we all want trouble-free relationships, where we don’t have to worry about what’s really going on in our partners’ heads.
It turns out, though, that feeling uncomfortable about your relationship is common, it’s called relationship anxiety.
Whether you doubt your partner’s fidelity, worry if your feelings will be reciprocated, or wonder if the relationship will last, these are all valid and common concerns.
This anxiety can come from a painful experience in the past, either in your childhood or in previous relationships.
When your worries spiral out of control, you tend to behave in ways that damage your relationship by pushing your partner away, unconsciously.
This is also called self-sabotage.
If you spend five minutes worrying about something that may or may not happen – or if you spend five hours analyzing the situation, it will have no bearing on whether the “thing” actually happens.
Rather than ruminating on potential problems in your relationship, one thing you can do is try to challenge your insecurities as they arise. If you are able to identify that inner voice that is sabotaging you, then you can challenge it and prevent it from impacting your relationship.
You must realize that your anxious thoughts can only damage your relationship. Indeed, you will distrust your partner’s every move, even act out of unwarranted insecurities.
Results ? You will push him to run away from you… Too bad, isn’t it?
4. You can’t always get what you want
Let’s imagine the following situation: you meet a guy and you absolutely fall in love with him. He literally ticks all the boxes on your perfect man list.
You obviously can’t help but be super excited about a future with him…but then he ends your story.
He tells you that he thinks you are not for him, that he feels like something is missing. You really are a nice girl, but now is just not the right time.
What are you going to do ? You will mentally go back in time, analyzing everything that happened to figure out what you did wrong.
You will likely come to the conclusion that you were probably not good enough for him.
It’s wrong. You were. However, for him, you were not the person he was looking for.
It’s not serious ! You can’t be compatible with everyone.
You are hurting yourself for nothing when you take it personally.
Have you ever experienced the opposite? You’ve dated nice men who were crazy about you, but for some reason you didn’t feel the same way they did.
All you can do is keep working to be the best version of yourself. You’ll never be perfect because you can’t, but you can work on refining who you are, fighting your insecurities, healing old wounds.
That’s all you have control over.
You can’t control how someone else feels about you. You just have to accept that you can never please everyone.
5. Take care of yourself, it’s your responsibility
Understand that it’s up to you to please yourself. This is NOT your partner’s job.
Of course, you can make each other happy, but never expect the other to heal you of your wounds, for example.
It is not his responsibility.
A healthy and happy relationship requires two healthy and happy people. Key word here: “personS”.
It means two people with their own identities, their own interests and perspectives, and things they do on their own, at their own pace.
This is why trying to control your partner (or submit to them) to make them “happy” will eventually backfire.
By doing so, you destroy your individual identities, those same identities that attracted and were seduced for in the first place.
So never give up who you are for the person you are with.
The most important relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.
Take care of your feelings, your needs and bring a healthy balance into your life. You will see, you will attract what you project: all the more reason to become a diamond!