The 4 critical mistakes we tend to make when we are in a relationship
Being in a relationship has its own set of challenges!
No one is perfect, there is nothing to be ashamed of, we have all made mistakes in our relationships.
But we can certainly learn from each of our stories and try to stop getting stuck on the same stuff every time!
Here are 4 mistakes that we spend our time repeating (you have no idea how many times I made them before I understood!) and that are harming your relationship.
1. Answer “nothing” to the question “why are you angry, what is it?” »
Possibly one of the most irritating things ever ha ha.
Just be honest! Enough with the games. Honesty is one of the main keys in a relationship, along with… communication.
Some issues or insults may seem so blatant that it’s hard to believe they’re not. Sometimes you just can’t imagine your partner not realizing they’ve done something wrong.
So, rather than discussing the issue, you remain silent and sulk that he doesn’t seem to care about your anger. And when he finally realizes there’s a problem and asks you what’s wrong, you’ll say “nothing” because you’re still upset and want to avoid the problem.
But playing the ostrich won’t fix anything. On the contrary !
Either you stay angry and resentful, or you move on and sweep the unresolved issue under the rug… giving it the opportunity to arise days, weeks, or months later with even greater force. .
Arguing isn’t how most of us want to spend our time, but the ostrich technique will make the problems pile up and multiply.
It will eventually end in an explosive argument or a breakup, leaving the other person confused as to what went wrong.
Repeat after me: trust and communication!
2. React emotionally
This error is, in my case, the most difficult not to repeat.
I am a very emotional and sensitive person who loves to openly express my feelings, positive or negative, whenever I feel them. I also live a lot in my head and often imagine the worst.
So, I tend to tell my darling right away when I’m upset.
Sometimes it’s a good thing, but most of the time I make assumptions about what happened and I don’t ask for confirmation from the principal concerned, reacting on my assumptions and potentially not on reality.
A stupid example of how to react better: one day, we were watching TV together and he suddenly received a notification on Messenger, on his phone. I couldn’t help but take a quick look at it and saw that it was an ex.
Unusually, I resisted the urge to say something to him. I took a deep breath and decided to give it a night before asking for an explanation.
The next morning he told me about himself about the message.
By stepping back, I had avoided a totally pointless argument, born of emotion and unfounded assumptions.
3. Don’t make your partner your whole life
If you spend every moment of your life with your significant other, you will ultimately lose who you are as an individual.
You will find yourself consulting this person for every little decision you want to make, suffering from anxiety when you are alone.
That’s why you absolutely have to take the time to do what you love too.
Have your own hobbies, interests and friends. You don’t have to do everything together or do everything for your partner.
Have your own opinions and create your own experiences!
Don’t lose your identity or independence; for obvious reasons but also because you want to remain interesting for your darling. And also for yourself.
Both of you will benefit and lead a richer and more fulfilled life.
That said, if your partner wants your world to revolve around him, that could be a sign that he’s a narcissist, be careful.
4. Assuming your partner will change
Let’s cut to the chase: your guy won’t change.
Many people confuse the concept of compromise with that of change.
Compromise involves two people meeting in the middle when it comes to their differences, which is necessary.
Whereas change involves one person asking the other to be someone they are not, which is impossible.
You cannot change the essence of others.
This doesn’t mean that you have to like all the annoying little things about your partner (that’s also impossible) but rather that you have to accept the fact that the one you are with now is the one you will be with forever, faults and all inclusive.
My darling says what he thinks and I am overly sensitive. We both accepted this difference and grew to view it as a positive.
His candor is a result of his genuine and honest nature, something I would never want to see changed. My sensitivity means that he can count on me to understand his moods, comfort him and support him no matter what.
If you’re unhappy in your relationship, or if your partner’s fault is non-negotiable (eg, you want kids and he doesn’t), no amount of talking, arguing, or time will change that.
But if you’re happy and your partner’s flaw is something you can live with, focus on how that difference might actually be a blessing in disguise.
At work !
Maybe you just realized you were making some of these common mistakes. It’s good !
Act now to correct the situation. And if you’re having trouble breaking bad habits on your own, seek help. It can be your friends like your guy himself or a therapist.
Either way, don’t be afraid to question yourself in some cases, it could help you hone your skills and change your negative patterns so you can enjoy the best relationship possible.
And that’s kind of what we all aspire to, isn’t it?