Text message flirting: these are the mistakes to avoid

Today, flirtations and first attempts at getting closer often take place in chat or flirt apps such as WhatsApp or Tinder. And as practical as that may seem, so many mistakes can be made and the new swarm off in no time.

Many people no longer even know how to flirt in the “normal” way. If you are one of them, we have collected the most frequently asked questions including the answers here for you: Flirting – how does it work again?

The American sociologist Eric Klinenberg has written a book together with the comedian Aziz Ansari about the pitfalls of flirting today. For this purpose, the two interviewed hundreds of people from all over the world and had their chat history shown. They have collected, analyzed and written down the most common mistakes.

You should avoid these faux pas:

1. The “Hey” bug

A simple “hey” may be the first thing that comes to mind. After all, you don’t know the other person yet. A very personal start is therefore difficult. However, you should at least mention the name of the person you are speaking to (e.g. “Hey Stefan”). Ideally, you should also add a positive comment (e.g. “Thank you again for the nice visit to the cinema on Tuesday.”). This makes it much easier for the other side to start the conversation.

2. Appointment problems

Especially if you don’t know each other yet, it is difficult to find a common date for a first meeting. After all, you don’t want to postpone the long-planned meeting with your best friend for a stranger. Nevertheless, try to avoid long back and forth. Because that not only takes the positive energy out of the chat, it also spoils the desire for the first meeting for both of you. Because if it is so complicated now, how is it supposed to be later?

3. Too long messages

Just as you shouldn’t just send a simple “Hey”, it’s best not to send endless messages. Chat apps are surfaces in which long texts are reluctantly read. It’s about the informal and entertaining exchange. A message that is too long and that may contain several questions or require decisions is unnecessarily stressful for the person you are talking to. It is better to pack what you want to say or ask in several smaller message chunks.

4. Bad spelling

Seriously, what can you expect from someone who doesn’t even bother to pay attention to their own language? Nobody demands that you are a real spelling professional or comma expert. But if you are unsure how to spell some words, look them up! Alternatively, you can choose another word. However, you should never send messages full of errors. Bad spelling suggests bad education, which doesn’t necessarily make you amazing.

5. Ambiguity

Avoid questions that the person you are talking to cannot understand or to which the answer is clear. Do not ask, “Do we want to do something else?”, But come to him with a concrete proposal. Otherwise, the expected and thus boring reply would logically be something like “What did you think of?” or “What would you like to do?” Instead, make a suggestion right away. The other side can accept it or suggest something else. When it comes to making specific appointments, be careful not to fall into trap number 2!