She was always there. So often that you almost took it for granted. You think, no matter what you say or do, she will be there because she always was.
The average person would not have tolerated all that for as long as she did. But the thing is that she is different. Their strength lies in the form of faith when there is no hope. Her strength lies in the form of staying when everyone tells her not to.
Her strength is that she looks you in the eye and smiles, even though you’re the same reason she cried herself to sleep last night. And if you’re wondering how you’ll miss them, this is the reason.
At first, she will slowly retire. At the beginning, you will not notice. How can you even notice someone or something that you have never really appreciated before? You will learn how to appreciate them in their absence. And that’s the hardest way to miss someone. At this moment it will click – you could have had something great, but you did not know what you had when you had it.
She was always yours. She has never played games. She has made it too easy. But she did not think love could be as difficult as you did. She did not believe in games and the wrong feelings of someone, but that’s exactly what you did to her.
But after some time even the strongest women will be tired of waiting. Emotionally exhausted. And that power they had is suddenly put to flight.
Believe me, she does not want to leave. If it was her choice and she knew that the wait would certainly lead to what she ultimately wanted, she would endure it. But with you, there is a wave of uncertainty that makes you question yourself.
Suddenly, someone who was self-confident becomes overwhelmed with doubt when he looks at his reflection. She has built you at the cost of her own tears because you have made her believe that she is the one who is not good enough.
So she will get up and go, even if she does not want to.
But she will continue to look back. She will look for every possible reason to turn around. But what kills her is not leaving, it’s that you do not even realize how far away she really is. Because if she stands right in front of you, you do not care, and if she means something to you, you do not show it. Because it’s not as easy as answering a message. You are not what she needs. And that’s why she has to go.
Little by little, you will find that it is not always the first one that can be seen on social networks. The things in which she marks you become less and less. The initial talks are replaced by silence. At some point, you will notice it already.
Maybe you will send her a message that leaves her unanswered – whereas in the past she did not take more than 30 seconds to answer. Maybe she will not go to the phone if you want to reach her. Maybe you will send her several messages in a row and she will still not answer – and then you will know how important you were to her.
The moment you realize you’ve probably lost her, you’ll realize that everything reminds you of her.
Suddenly you’re the one looking for reasons to talk to her. If something good happens, you want to tell her. When something bad happens, you miss the shoulder where you have always cried. Days are weeks, and you realize that she has barely time for you. And you’re wondering when you’ll see her again. You notice how much you look forward to this day and how much you miss her.
You used to think that everything she told you was annoying – but it was just her way of showing you how interested she was to you, even though you did little to return it.
It will be the moment you realize how strong she was because she loved someone who could not love her the way she deserved.
And you want to reach out to her. But the fear is too great because you know what you have done. Or rather, what you did not do.
You will rummage through this realization and find out how much you care about her and want to tell her. You do not realize how much she misses you, but she does not show it. You do not know how many conversations she wanted to have with you. But you did not want to show her the light of day.
When every plan was cancelled and she could no longer rely on your word, she realized that you were everything she wanted, but you were the last thing she needed.
Because if love is the pain she feels, the disappointment you left her, then perhaps it is she who did it wrong.
So she will not leave because she does not love you, but because you never asked her to stay, and it took a long time for her to realize she was gone.
And the day will come when your paths will cross. Maybe she will then hold the hand of someone who is not you.
And that will hit you hardest.
Watching her love someone else as she loved you will crush you.
What you do not know is that it was hard for her to start something new. In the beginning she compared everyone with you.
You will look at each other, and in that silence you will see that she has never stopped loving you, and then you may find that you also love her. But none of you will make even the slightest movement. Only this eye contact without words and if the silence could speak, she would say what would have to be said and all know that “it should not end like this”.