Anyone who has been in a toxic relationship knows that the aftereffect causes the most problems. You are used to being treated badly. You are used to the games, manipulation and control.
It’s about appeasing someone who is never happy. It is the desire and need to win someone’s love so much that you build the person up while knocking yourself down. It is watching your own walls that are growing higher without being able to trust anyone – not even yourself.
And the only person you let in is the one who made you be like that.
It is a destructive relationship in which a person thinks that love should hurt.
Then they meet someone else, someone who is so different, and they go very carefully into that person’s life. First, they reject the unknown.
But what is difficult about being with someone who has been in a toxic relationship? It is the way in which one cannot understand how this one person or some people brainwashed them into a particular mindset.
Here are a few tips on how to behave towards a person who has been in a toxic relationship:
1. Be patient.
You will notice how nervous they are. You will notice how they withdraw when you get too close. You will show them the doubt, but they will not doubt you, they will doubt everything about themselves.
Take things slowly. Don’t push them to anything. Trying to like them will put you under pressure very quickly. They are used to really give everything to make someone happy, but they never achieve that.
You will notice how soft they are. How gentle. How nice. And you’ll be wondering how someone could treat them badly.
2. Listen when they speak.
At some point, they will tell you their story. They will open up to you. And when they tell you their story, just listen. Be all ears and don’t say anything. Just appreciate the fact that they trust you enough to trust you. Because it’s a story that ruined it. I say ruined but not destroyed because they are still there. There next to you. But it’s also something that haunts them, and it’s something they don’t tell people about.
They are the way they are for certain reasons and until they trust you enough to have this conversation with you and show their emotions, you will finally understand why they are the way they are.
3. You don’t need to feel sorry for them.
They are not looking for sympathy or pity. You have overcome this toxic relationship on your own. You had enough of it. And the last thing they want is for you to feel sorry for something they chose. The fact that they realized they chose someone who was so terrible to them but they still continued the relationship is the worst thing about toxic relationships.
And that’s the bitter pill to swallow and a difficult part of the past to accept.
4. Calm down when in doubt.
They don’t doubt you and don’t question you. You doubt what has happened in the past. So if they ask questions and are unsure, don’t come back to them aggressively and understand that if you fill them with confidence and confidence, these doubts will subside.
5. Tell them everything will be okay if they apologize to you.
You’ll apologize for everything over and over again, to a point where it might even bother you. But they are used to always doing something wrong and trying to correct it. They are also used to always being the guilty parties. But most of all they are used to threats that someone will go away, humiliate and criticize them and tell them that they have to be different.
They will apologize because someone in their past made them think they are always wrong.
Accept the apology and just keep going, even if they have no reason to apologize to you.
6. Build them up.
Remind them of their good qualities because all they have heard lately is that they have a lot of weaknesses.
Sometimes the best way to teach someone to love themselves is by loving them first.
7. Appreciate them.
When someone comes out of a toxic relationship, you will immediately notice that they do a lot for you. They will try to please you, sometimes exaggerating. Because everything they have done in the past has never been good enough. But what they didn’t realize at the time was that it was good enough, but it wasn’t the right person they were with.
You will be amazed at how well they treat you, how kind they are and how they never say anything bad about people.
You will fall in love with this person and you will wonder how someone could not appreciate their value. But you will also be happy about it, because then you would not have met her at all.
So you build them up and really show them how great they are, and there will be moments when they look at themselves differently because they finally see themselves the way you and so many others see them.
8. Be the example that you don’t know.
Then suddenly they come to a point where they cannot even imagine being satisfied with less than the standard that you have set for them. They look back at the person they were then, and they are not filled with resentment as much as they are proud because they have overcome the difficult past.
And they look at you and it feels like everything you’ve ever wanted in life is right in front of you and you can’t say anything other than “thank you”.