Once you have met a new man and maybe already on your first date together, one question always arises: should I write to him first? Our checklist helps

Who should write first after the date?

Of course, on the one hand, it is child’s play to stick to supposed rules when communicating, which dictate how many hours or days must have passed before you can contact him. But as silly as these time constraints seem – men think differently from us women. If only because they prefer to hunt instead of being hunted. And that’s why it is actually wise not to send him messages thoughtlessly, but to ask yourself a few questions beforehand.

With the help of this checklist, you can surely see if and when it is right to write to him.

1. Ask yourself if a message would seem “needy”

One trait that makes women appear not charming in men is the appearance of neediness. If he has the impression that she wants him more than he wants her, that she is “needy” in a certain way, it becomes difficult. And this is exactly why it is so important not to write too early or too much. ( We’ll tell you more mistakes when flirting by text message here. )

Before you send your message, you should therefore ask yourself how you think it would be if he was already writing to you. Would he then have a slightly desperate appearance? Or would it even bother you to hear from him again so quickly? If your answer to any of the questions is “yes”, then it is important that you wait before sending your message.

2. Has he already written to you?

The question of whether to write to him first comes up several times, especially with very fresh flirts. Because communication is not yet so regular that it doesn’t really matter who is writing. A few days have passed since you last heard from each other, and you’re basically faced with the question of who will take the first step again.

A key point when deciding whether you should write to him or not is whether he was the first to contact you. ( You can find out here why some men simply don’t let themselves be heard at all. ) If this is the case, you can boldly pick up your smartphone and start typing. However, always starting with you should ask yourself if he is really interested in you.

3. Do you really like him?

Whether or not you should take the first step by text message also depends on what it is really worth to you. So before you write, ask yourself how you actually feel about him? Can you imagine more with him so that the jump into the deep end is worthwhile? Or there is more excitement in your stomach that there is someone new at all – regardless of their actual suitability as a life partner.

If the man falls into the first category, you better leave the first step to him.

4. How did the date go?

Whether you should write to him first also depends a lot on how the meeting went. If things don’t go completely smoothly or if a faux pas has happened to one of you, and you still think that things could work out for you, get in touch with him. Because the more time goes by, the less likely it is that either of you will still believe in a common future and take the first step.

However, if the date went absolutely perfect, you’d better hold back a little. Give him and yourself the chance to indulge in memories of the wonderful time together and also to miss each other. Only then should you contact him … if he has not already done so.

5. Do you have something to say?

Especially when you don’t really know the other person yet, it’s hard to find things to talk about in the news, or that would really be a reason to get in touch with each other. If you can’t think of more than a quick “hey”, don’t write to him, but wait until you have more to say or share with him.


Should I write to him first?

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