When I met my future husband, he was a 42-year-old man with a sad personal history. He was cheated on by every woman he has seriously dated since the age of 25, including his ex-wife.
To say that I had to be very gentle and caring with him is to say nothing. He was very cautious, sometimes paranoid, sometimes overreacting, and I don’t blame him. As our relationship became more serious, it became more difficult for him, because his heart could break just as much.
Honestly, I often meet people who always come across some cheaters. Did I think, maybe it is the victims of cheaters that have something in common or some special feature of cheaters that attracts them?
And now scientists have finally tried to find an answer to this.
Previously, the emphasis was mainly on how cheating occurs, what kind of relationship the couple has, what could lead to this, and whether cheaters have common features.
The new study, however, focused on which people are more likely to be cheated, whether they have something in common.
1577 respondents were interviewed, 19% of whom experienced treason. And when their personality and character were studied, it turned out that …
people who were more carefree, less industrious and disorganized, as well as more benevolent and willing to help, were more likely to become victims of treason.
When I saw this characteristic, I realized that many qualities are inherent in my husband. He is always trying very hard to help. Since we began to live together, I noticed that he used any excuse not to go to work, for example, instead of me to stay at home with his sick son. And his dimpled smile was the first thing I noticed when we met. Although he tries to provide for our family, he is terribly disorganized.
What this research means
If you are very friendly and in a hurry to help, then your partner may think that you can easily forgive his betrayal.
If you are reckless, unworkable, and disorganized, it can lead to relationship problems, which may cause your partner to look to the left.
“An unreliable, immature or lazy partner increases stress and conflict when it comes to daily responsibilities such as paying bills, household chores, work, personal promises,” the scientists explain.
What can be done
Of course, the blame for cheating is entirely on the cheater. And don’t think that you don’t need to be friendly and help everyone. You just need to make sure that your partner does not feel that he can abuse your kindness and overstep your boundaries. Maybe you are used to turning a blind eye to his unacceptable behavior?
Remember, you are not responsible for the actions of others and cannot control them. But you can analyze if you are creating a negative environment in your relationship.