Will I ever find love again? Yes, don’t get stressed. Right now, you think you will never fall in love again. I know I know it’s not because you’re sceptical, you don’t doubt your worth. You know that you are adorable, that someone else will be interested in you and will want to be with you one day. You know. It’s just that something is missing inside of you. You forgot how to properly love another person, how to give and receive affection freely, because your last relationship broke you.
I know you hate it. It seems melodramatic to use the word “broken” for you, after all, you are still a person capable of living, loving and living your life.
You are a strong and productive member of society. But something in you no longer fits as before. Nowadays, you don’t easily smell butterflies. Don’t be faint with the touch of one hand. Being with other people seems pointless.
You forgot how to stay late to send messages to someone. How to spend hours preparing for an appointment. You can follow the movements of intimacy, after all, you are still a human being, but you have lost the ability to feel emotionally naked or exposed to someone new. The part of you that has already been able to give so easily is missing and you cannot understand why. You wonder if he will be away forever. I’m here to tell you no. Obviously, I cannot say with 100% certainty. I am neither a fortune teller nor a prophet. But I am a heartbroken person. A person who has been disenchanted with love. I am a person who has been where you have been and heard what you heard and did on the other side.
Because the truth is that love returns. You are not ready to return it yet. You are not ready for love because you cannot help but compare current lovers with those of the past. Because the spark, the magic, the fire that makes you suffer is not an organic emotion that you are looking for, it is an attempt to reconstruct the exact flame that you once had with someone else. You are not ready for love because the intimacy you lack for your heart is not an authentic opening, it is a desperate pain to understand, as has already been understood by others.
The emptiness, the flatness, the disenchantment with which you are being persecuted at this time is not a clear indication that your life will be absent forever. It is just an indication that your heart is missing the very specific form that you are still having pain. And this idea of love is exactly what you have to let die before a new one can bloom. Before love returns, you must get rid of your expectations. You have to give up on the idea you set for yourself. You must stop waiting for love to come in the specific way you have planned.
Here’s a tip for the next time you fall in love: it will surprise you. Real things always do.
You will be surprised by those who arrive. You will be surprised how it goes. You will be surprised to find that love is nothing like the way you remember it and yet it is there: a completely different new beast.
The reason why love hasn’t appeared to you yet is because you keep associating the wrong numbers with a formula that stopped working a long time ago. You search for love in all the places where you lost it and until you accept that it is not there, you will continue to remain empty. Because you will find love once you are happy without it. You will find love when your heart, mind and spirit are full of passion for the world around you. You will find love when your interactions with others are easy and peaceful and you are not likely to be cared for and admired. You will find love once you can finally give it, without expecting anything in return.
You will find love once you are ready to show yourself to live with all your heart, every hour of every day. And by then, you can take your time. Your recovery is good. It is good to be alone, tired and confused until love can return to your life. At this point, you may think that you will never fall in love again. But there was a time when you thought you would never miss it. Then you were wrong and you can still be wrong. Except that this time, making mistakes will be unexpected and undeniable beauty.