Relationship tips for highly sensitive people

Your person is out there.

I know it’s hard to stay hopeful and keep dating. But love will be there for you.

From where I know this? Because I’ve been where you are now and I’ve found love with a partner who loves me for myself.

But I know it’s not easy.

One day you will be hopeful. You think today could be the day.

The next day you’re done with dating forever and trying to convince yourself you don’t need a partner. And you delete your online profile.

As a highly sensitive person who dated for 15 years and was married briefly before I met my husband, I know how hard it is to date as a highly sensitive person.

It takes a lot of energy to meet new people.

And it’s easy to get attached to the wrong person quickly. You know, the one that haunts you for a while and then comes back and gives you false hope, only to disappear after a few days.

Or the one who drains you and is the complete opposite of you.

So you’re dating someone who’s actually quite nice, but there are a few things that aren’t right.

You like the company, but you know this is not the right person for you.

Breaking up means having a difficult conversation. And what if you never meet another person who wants to date you?

I understand why it’s tempting to try to make a relationship work, even if it’s not a good match. Or stop dating altogether.

What motivated me to come out was imagining how good it would feel to have a partner who would love me for my own sake.

Where I could be myself and tell him exactly what I’m thinking without holding anything back.

Over the years I’ve learned a few things about being patient when looking for a partner.

Create a positive attitude towards dating

 

Before I ended a relationship, I was terrified that I would never meet another person again.

I had to keep reminding myself that this would never be the case.

Online dating made it easy to meet new people. And I believed that if I was patient and persistent, I would find my partner.

When I kept seeing the same old faces online, I imagined that my partner had just moved to town and would be showing up online soon.

It turned out that was exactly the case with Adam. Remember Mantra #1: “Every person I meet gets me one step closer to finding my partner.”

Embrace the power of simplicity

 

A relationship that is meant to work will come easily. It will be the right time for both of you.

Both of you will be open and ready to commit. No residual feelings for an ex or fear of commitment will get in the way.

You don’t have to change or sacrifice your own desires to be together. Remember Mantra #2: “If it’s complicated, it’s not for the moment.”

Keep it casual on the first date

 

As highly sensitive people, we long for the burning love described in a poem by Rumi.

But it puts a lot of pressure on a date when you think that person might be “the one”.

I know it’s hard to contain your hopes when you’re excited, but remember that the purpose of a first date is to decide if you want a second date.

Have fun and see how you feel around that person. Notice if your energy goes up or down around the person.

Maintain a steady pace

 

When you meet someone you like, it’s natural to want to jump straight into a relationship.

But if you move too quickly, you risk missing the red flags and tying yourself to the wrong person.

Or worse, you end up in a relationship where you are physically or emotionally abused.

Resist the urge to see each other every day at first so you have time to listen to your gut and tune into your feelings.

Do a post-date analysis

 

When you’re attracted to your date or ready to commit, it’s easy to turn a blind eye and ignore red flags.

To see the situation more clearly, write down direct quotes from your partner about where they are in their life and in dating and what is most important to them right now.

“I can’t wait to have a family” means that a relationship is his top priority.

“My work keeps me super busy” means that work is more important than anything else right now.

As a highly sensitive person, too many times I’ve taken my date for granted and overlooked some obvious red flags.

This is especially easy when he’s sending mixed messages, wanting to make out one minute while saying, “Let’s keep this easy” the next.

Watch out for drama and trauma bonding

 

When the object of your desire is stalking you and the chase makes you want him even more, that is drama bonding.

Trauma bonding occurs when you become your date’s therapist. As a highly sensitive person who is filled with wisdom and an attentive listener, it is easy to become emotionally nurturing and mistake it for love.

If you feel like you’re your date’s therapist or that you’re repressing your true feelings to keep the peace, that’s a red flag.

True love is an equal energy exchange in which both partners are fully involved.

You shouldn’t have to sacrifice anything of yourself to be with the right person.

Searching for the right familiar feeling

 

I was a magnet for men like my father – the strong, silent, callous type.

However, I’ve never felt comfortable around these types of men. And I needed a way to describe how I wanted my relationship to feel.

I wanted the easy, intimate conversation, fun, silly, and sweet relationship that I had with my best friends and sister.

Reminding myself of what it’s like to be with my favorite people helped me break the pattern of dating guys who were like my dad and ultimately didn’t suit me.

Remember that you too have a say

 

As highly sensitive people, we find it easy to see the good in people, and we can worry about whether the other person likes us while we prioritize their happiness over our own.

But the important question is whether you should like them and go for them.

Calm your nervous system with breathing and grounding techniques, and stay present with the other person’s behavior to assess if you really like them.

If you change yourself to be with him, you will lose yourself in the relationship over time.

Relationship tips for highly sensitive people

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