Granted, we are all a little jealous now and then. However, if you notice that distrust and fear are rampant in your relationship, it is high time to pull the emergency brake. Couples therapist Markus Breitenberger explains how you can now regain your (self) confidence
Jealousy is an uncomfortable feeling. It reminds us how much we care about our partner. How much we need him. And that we no longer want to be without him in our lives. At the same time, it shows us that this is not our sole decision. After all, our counterpart is just as free as we are. “Am I really beautiful, interesting and good enough that my favorite person will like to stay with me?” We ask ourselves in jealous moments. “Or isn’t there someone else who can actually offer him or her a lot more?” So jealousy never has its origin in our love alone, but always in the fear of not being enough and of losing the partner.
Of course, there is nothing wrong with questioning yourself every now and then. In the best case scenario, it shows that you have a healthy capacity for self-reflection – a key prerequisite for giving your own life a clear direction over and over again and for personal development. The decisive factor, however, is whether you can leave the doubts behind after some thought or a clarifying conversation with your partner. If this does not succeed, jealousy will find its way again and again, even in harmless situations. It leads to arguments and robs you and your partner of the ease in dealing with each other.
Therefore, in the vast majority of cases, your partner will not be happy to greet your jealousy as a token of your love. But on the contrary. You probably already suspect that fear and suspicion do not necessarily make you more attractive in his eyes. If there are hysterical scenes and excessive clinging, at some point there is no way around the separation. The good news, however, is that at least some of it is in your own hands. While you’re still together, it is not too late to take a deep breath and turn back. Because it is sometimes very difficult to do it on your own, couple therapists and psychotherapists offer support here.
At the beginning of the consultation, the first thing to do is to determine whether the distrust of your partner and their feelings is justified or unjustified. In fact, many affected people know in clear moments that they don’t really have to be jealous and that their partner loves them more than anything. Nevertheless, the feeling always breaks through in you on the smallest of occasions. In fact, others are repeatedly betrayed and mistreated repeatedly by their boyfriend or husband. In this case, as your therapist, I have only one advice: break up! You deserve someone who is loving and sincere with you.
However, if you suffer from jealousy for no reason, it is up to you to take action to save your relationship. A good psychotherapist or couples therapist can support you in conversation to find out where the feeling is coming from and what will help you to find inner peace. In my practice it often becomes clear that people who suffer from severe jealousy do not perceive their life to be fulfilled. In their work and in family life, their talents and desires are often given too little space.
Creating this and truly realizing your potential can be difficult given the many obligations we all have. However, an experienced advisor will help you to find a personal path in small, manageable steps. Of course, strong jealousy cannot be overcome overnight. Investing time and energy in therapy is definitely worth it. This gives you the chance to sustainably strengthen your self-confidence and significantly increase your quality of life. In the end, this not only has a positive effect on your relationship, but also on all other areas of everyday life.