Polyamory, a trendy thing? 5 myths deciphered
We live in a time when it is becoming easier and easier to talk about different love and practices, but polyamory, which is a romantic relationship involving more than two people, still seems to be among the taboo subjects.
And for good reason: the principles of such a relationship are quite different from the romantic standards to which we are accustomed.
But what is polyamory really?
These are open, non-monogamous relationships that have their own rules and boundaries.
Specifically, polyamory refers to people who don’t stick to just one romantic partner at a time.
Nothing to do with adultery though. Polyamory is consensual and disclosed to everyone involved in the relationship.
Polyamorous relationships are growing in popularity as people become less and less excited about the idea of monogamy.
Traditional marriage is also becoming less and less popular.
While polyamorous relationships have many benefits, they obviously don’t come without complications either. More people involved potentially leads to more worries!
Whether you’re single and considering polyamory or in a relationship where both partners are open to the idea of a polyamory relationship, there are some myths that need to be busted first.
1/ Polyamory is a roundabout way of cheating
Admittedly, adulterous relationships reject monogamy, too, but in a very nasty way.
Polyamory is different: everyone involved knows what’s going on and has given their consent.
If you have or romance with two people and one of them thinks you are exclusive, that is NOT polyamory.
This does not mean that polyamorous people never cheat.
But, just as we shouldn’t blame monogamy if a monogamous person turns out to be unfaithful, when a polygamous person cheats, that’s the problem, not that polyamory is inherently wrong.
2/ Polyamory will solve existing problems in a relationship
If you knew the number of people who think that turning to polyamory will solve the problems encountered in the established relationship.
Introducing more people into the relationship will only exacerbate these problems.
Make sure you are considering polyamory for the right reasons! Because solving your relationship problems is definitely NOT one of those reasons.
Using polyamory to fix a broken or problematic marriage would be like pouring salt on an open wound.
If a married couple wants to open up and explore polyamory, it’s probably from a stable and secure place in their relationship that they’ll do it best.
If a couple is struggling, it’s not a good time to open up.
3/ There is no need to lay down rules when you are in this kind of relationship
Every polyamorous relationship is different, so it’s important to establish some ground rules when starting a new relationship.
The ground rules relate to everything important when establishing a new relationship.
Navigating polyamorous relationships requires open communication. You need to be on the same page as your partners about limits and expectations.
You and your partner might be cool to have love with other people, as long as you’re both involved in the side relationship.
Maybe you could be comfortable living with multiple partners, online flirting, etc.
Boundaries and self-discipline are therefore necessary for the proper functioning of a polyamorous relationship.
4/ Polyamorous people are less emotionally mature or afraid of commitment
Society often describes having multiple partners as immature or a sign of a midlife crisis.
Polyamorous people are meant to live “crazyly,” until they age, mature, and finally settle down.
But in truth, polyamorous people come in all shapes, sizes, and ages.
It is therefore not uncommon to find among them individuals who have grown up engaging exclusively in monogamous relationships.
It wasn’t until they matured that they were able to express the full range of their needs. They overcame jealousy and insecurity and accepted the possibility of having multiple partners.
In any case, it is important to understand that commitment in these relationships takes a different form from that of monogamous relationships.
The focus here is not on reaching the traditional milestones of a relationship, such as engagement, cohabitation, or marriage.
Moreover, given the degree of honesty, commitment and dedication required for these relationships to work, it sometimes leads to social anxiety in these couples.
5/ Polyamorous relationships are incompatible with family life
This myth is also quite common among opponents of polyamorous relationships.
This does not mean that polyamory is the ideal environment for raising children, but the likelihood of children being unhappy in “ordinary” families is no less than in a similar situation among polyamorous people.
No matter the type of relationship, there are common problems in everyone.
In this sense, neither polyamorous nor monogamous people are immune to marital difficulties that can harm relationships.
What matters is that children have stability with their caregivers. They must not be subjected to an endless parade of people to whom they become attached and who then leave them.
Ultimately, the questions to ask yourself are: What do you really want from a relationship? How much value do you place on relationships with others? What type of relationship will allow you to flourish?
What you need and want can change for you over time, context and experiences.
The important thing is that you feel open to new experiences, that you can grow with others and within yourself, and that you feel able to explore.
The concept of love really has no definition of its own. Love is inherently limitless and there are countless ways to embrace it, celebrate it and share it!
So if polyamory is something that intrigues you, go for it!