Open letter to all the girls who can’t leave
Recently, several of my friends have had to deal with the end of their relationship.
But what is strange is that their relationship had ended for several months and yet they had not yet left.
There were constantly new reasons explaining that they continued to discuss and thus to try to save their couple, or they were simply in the uncertainty. So here’s to you.
Dear tenacious and hopeful friends,
I will choose my words carefully, because the line between honesty and rudeness is very blurred.
I have no desire to minimize the importance of your relationships, but rather to put my finger on ‘ideas’, ‘concepts’ which may not be as easy to grasp as they seem. ‘air.
Love vs Comfort
I understand that you love him, but are you still in love with him ? I think it may just be a matter of comfort and you are aware of it.
You know the flame is out and whatever you (the two of you) did to rekindle it hasn’t worked. You spend months, years and even decades with someone and then things end.
So the most mature thing to do is to walk away, knowing that you’ve done everything you can.
You both recognize that something has to change and you are trying hard, but is that the only explanation?
We can change habits for a while, but we always end up returning to what we are.
You’re trying to change for another, rather than yourself, and that’s something that rarely works in the long run.
We always end up becoming again what we are, while continuing to hope for a different outcome.
Never change for someone else, only for yourself and be with someone who has no desire to see you change.
Love vs Self Respect
He cheated on you, he lied to you and he manipulated you. He keeps telling you that he loves you and he carefully chooses the moments when he tells you, but would he have cheated, lied and manipulated you if he really loved you?
You, on your side, continue to tell him that you love him, but you haven’t done any of this to him. So, do we hurt the people we love?
Shouldn’t we rather have enough respect for them and be honest? He may love you, but that’s not the kind of love I dream of and I know it’s the same for you.
If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t have cried every night like you did. I know these are just assumptions, but we have to accept situations as they are and deal with them, because how we allow others to treat us says a lot about who we are.
And it’s possible that he’s gotten used to your fake threats and pushing the boundaries of what you’re capable of accepting.
Love vs Apologies
He is going through a difficult period, he has family problems, financial or emotional problems.
He does not mean what he says and does not realize what he is doing. He loves me, but he’s not ready. I’ve heard every possible excuse and I myself have tried to come up with every possible excuse for others.
I’m not saying that because you and your wife have been through a tough time, you should give up.
But on the other hand, if he’s been using his problems as excuses for ages to explain why he let you down and you’ve been doing the same to excuse him to others, maybe it’s time to reconsider. the situation.
You shouldn’t have to make excuses for him, and he shouldn’t make you feel like you should.
Love vs Fear
You don’t like being alone.
You’ve been used to each other’s presence for so long that the mere thought of being alone at the end of the day terrifies you, but I’m going to tell you something you’ve most certainly been told before: we will be there.
And by us, I mean your friends. We’ll be there, with chocolates, movies, a shoulder to cry on, or whatever else you need.
You will not face this change alone, we would never allow it. But you should not stay with someone, only for fear of loneliness.
We can’t replace your companion, but we can help you deal with not having him anymore.
And that might be something you need more than you thought, in order to figure out what kind of person you might be without him.
What I’m saying may not seem very believable to you, because I’m not you and I don’t know everything about your couple. I know those are hard words to hear, because you might not see it that way, but we do.
The love you share is probably sincere, but why isn’t it working? If a couple only survived thanks to love, many would never have separated.
But that’s not all. Relationships are built on honesty, loyalty, and respect, among many other things (like good timing ).
I sincerely believe that if it has to happen, people always end up finding their way back to each other. So I dare you to give up on him and I dare him to let you go.
Allow each other to grow and become the people you want to be.
If you end up finding each other, it means that you were made for each other all this time, but that before, it was not the right time. But the more you pull on the thread, the more you will resent the other (and vice versa).
So do this for you and we’ll be there no matter what. You have to think of yourself first.
Good for you,
Your honest best friend.