If a man feels threatened by a self-confident woman, he is not a strong man. Point.
No matter how confident, charismatic or competent a man is, if he feels threatened by a woman who has the same qualities, he is not a strong man. And he will not magically turn into the kind of partner a strong woman wants until he stops hiding in his insecurities.
I was told I was “too much” for men to be romantic. I would be “too loud” or “too headstrong” or “too passionate” – all that was never clear to me meant “too strong”.
I would like to clarify: Straight strong guys were intimidated by me and my mouth. Gay men loved me before I even knew what was adorable about me.
At least half a dozen times I have met with a guy who seemed fascinated by my philosophical ideals or analyzes of current affairs and who wanted to spend hours talking about our thoughts. We exchanged ideas and feelings with each other and I heard the same lines: “Talking to you is so easy … I can be more open with you than with anyone else … You think so differently …”.
I had some of these relationships where we spoke to each other on a daily basis and our relationship was also physically connected. But then, of course, he was reluctant to introduce me to his friends or suddenly started to break away without a real explanation.
I always got some bullshit excuse for his reluctance to integrate into his circle and they ranged from the predictable (“you’re just too much for most people.”) To the pathetic one (“If you could lose 10 pounds I feel more comfortable next to you in public. “).
When I was young and sensitive, I always thought something was wrong with me; I could not understand that what they loved about me was what they hated, what they lacked in themselves.
Only a strong man appreciates a strong woman
It was not until I became safer that I stopped settling in and started dating only with guys who not only loved my mind and strong-willed nature, but were ecstatic at showing me to their friends and integrating them into their lives.
They did not feel uncomfortable when I said something controversial and they realized that my mind and actions do not represent them in any way as a person and vice versa.
This is one of the things that has drawn me most to my partner, and in our relationship, we continue to have the luxury of autonomy as two separate people with unique, sometimes contradictory, principles that share a common life.
If I’m too loud, too bold, too cheeky, or if I overstep my limits with my huge mouth, he will not be silent in embarrassment. He trusts that I stop for a misstep, think, and fix the situation without having to watch my actions.
That’s what a strong man does. This is the kind of strength that every strong woman in a partner deserves – the courage to love someone unconditionally and to trust that he or she will find the right path.