Moving on doesn’t always mean dating someone else
There are two types of people in the world: those who want to ‘succeed’ in their breakups and the liars.
Yes, I know… I know . Love is not a game. And breakups are not the end of it. True happiness is only found when you stop comparing yourself to others and find a way to truly move on.
Now that that’s said, let’s talk victory and defeat.
Often we associate the success of a breakup with finding someone else before your ex . Defeat, on the other hand, is associated with just the opposite.
Nobody wants to find themselves crying over a tub of ice cream while scrolling through photos of their ex’s new girlfriend on Facebook. After a breakup, we all want to feel ‘coveted’ and wanted by someone who isn’t our ex. And we’ve learned to associate moving on with whether or not we’ve found someone else to love.
It looks simple as pie. However, it is unhealthy as can be.
In truth, moving on has absolutely nothing to do with sleeping with someone else. It’s not about getting back into the dating world either. Not even falling in love with someone perfect and introducing them to their parents.
To move on is to take control of your life. And if the only thing you’ve found to do this is to lie next to someone else, you have much more serious problems than just knowing if you’ve ‘successfully’ broken up. or not.
Moving on is not measured in terms of investing in someone else, but in terms of investing in your own life, without that investment suffering the consequences of your past relationship. It’s about making your own choices, pursuing your own goals, and initiating the changes you need, without worrying about what your ex might think.
For two years after my breakup , I assumed that I was still single because I hadn’t moved on. I went on dates, but they never turned into real relationships. I was dating boys, not wanting it to get serious. I was on the move – going from place to place, having lots of adventures and assuming that my lack of desire to commit simply meant that I hadn’t forgotten about my ex.
Until one day, I ran into my ex on the street and realized that I had forgotten everything about him.
Somewhere between my move, my professional retraining, several months of travel and a great questioning, I had ceased to be unhappy. I was happy again, alone. I had moved on – and my inability to know whether or not I had moved on was perhaps the clearest sign that I had!
But all this time, I hadn’t fallen in love with anyone. I had moved on, without my love status changing and without me introducing anyone to my parents.
Turns out, for me, moving on had nothing to do with committing to someone else. No, it was about living a phase during which I was committed only to myself.
I had moved on by finding a new apartment and decorating it to my liking. By deciding to move to another city, without having to consider the impact that this choice could have on someone else. By working hard, traveling and challenging myself regularly, without having to sit down to report to someone else. By cultivating a full and fulfilled life that belonged only to me.
And if that’s not the definition of moving on, I can’t think of any other!
In truth, each of us will move on in our own way. For some, it will be falling madly in love with someone. For others, it will be by building an independent life in which only their own happiness matters. There are thousands of different ways to move forward in life and no two are alike.
In the end, “moving on” is only measured by one thing: being happy again, without your ex.
When we no longer think of him or her. When we no longer dream of the ways in which we could win him back. When our life suddenly improves and we only focus on that.
In truth, you only succeed in your breakup the day you stop worrying about whether or not you will succeed.