infatuation or love? That is the difference!
It might seem like a subtle difference, but there are many differences between love and infatuation. Obviously, the line between love and infatuation is very blurred because when you think about your emotions, it’s never easy to focus on them.
True love is not lightning fast, but a continuous process of growth between two individuals. The road to real love is full of ups and downs that involve both partners. You will fight and suffer together, just as you will make peace together.
Love and infatuation are two different terms, even though they involve similar emotions. Luckily, there are some key differences that will allow you to understand whether you are in love or just in love.
Love has lost some of its meaning lately because the word is used lightly and perhaps also because many people confuse infatuation and love. Here are the differences between love and infatuation.
Infatuation often has to do with addiction
People who cannot bear to be separated from their partners cannot regulate their emotional states on their own. That’s why they keep calling or texting their partner.
They depend on the partner’s presence and will control them in their absence to provide apparent security.
Of course where there is control there is no room for trust, such a relationship is doomed to failure as criticism, judgment and arguments are common. They make demands on others and on life.
Addiction is characteristic of being in love, while there is no addiction in sincere love. In love, partners act as a team.
Falling in love happens without our intention, but loving is a matter of choice
Falling in love is a matter of the moment. When it happens, we feel attraction or lust and that person becomes the object of our thoughts. When we meet someone, we feel a rush of certain hormones in the body that trigger a feeling of happiness.
This makes us think that we love this person, but it can only be the effect of the endorphins mentioned. In any case, this feeling doesn’t last long.
Loving someone is never based on that cocktail of hormones, it’s a conscious choice we make.
It is the desire to contribute to the development of this person, the desire to see this person as lucky, the need to motivate him to realize all his potentials without strings attached.
Loving someone means putting them first
When we are in love, we focus on what we can get from our partner. And we are with that person as long as they meet our needs, but when we love genuinely, the person we love comes first.
This means that we are willing to give our best for the sake of the person we love. Love is unconditional giving. We accept our partner as he really is without trying to change his nature, to control him, to judge his actions.
Perhaps the clearest characteristic of mature love is that we don’t try to fit the partner into our own expectations.
When we are in love, we idealize our partner
When we are unrealistic, we only see good aspects or only bad aspects of the other. Then we actually don’t see the whole person but relate to half or part of the object.
Our feelings can be so strong that we only love the illusion and not the whole person.
People in love are sometimes unable to accept their partner’s imperfections, see their flaws, or stay with them when flaws are noticed.
However, uncritical idealization usually leads to disappointment and renewed frustration, then to the search for a new idealized object of love. People who are genuinely in love view their relationship and their partner with a lot of healthy criticism.
Sincere love is able to endure obstacles
The ability to cope with the obstacles and difficulties that a love relationship brings with it is one of the prerequisites for the development of mature love in the partnership.
Of course, there are always frustrations in love relationships because no one can satisfy all of our needs and the expectations of love relationships are higher than in other types of relationships. Which greatly affects our ability to have mature love.
As with the immune system, a person can be resistant to some types of frustration and irresistible to others. Everyone has their Achilles heel, something that is difficult to overcome.
Infatuation is selfish, love is a teamwork
When the partners in the relationship cannot bear to give without immediately receiving adequate compensation, it is infatuation. They are afraid that someone will take their precious things away from them.
They also cannot bear to receive something because it forces them to give something back. Without the ability to give and receive, a mature love relationship is not possible because there is no reciprocity.
People who have trouble giving usually show it with delays: “I’ll do it tomorrow or I’ll do it later.” This passive aggression often drives their partners insane because they don’t give, don’t accept, or do that do little and so seldom.
But when we truly love someone, we become overwhelmed with the desire to give that person the best of us. True love means that we put the well-being of the person we love before our own.
Infatuation is usually accompanied by jealousy
Men with this problem usually resent the possibility of their wives having jobs because they want them to be home all the time. While women with this problem usually have a detailed exercise plan from their partners.
They measure every minute and lurk situations in which their rival might appear. They emphasize morality and honesty, and condemn those who behave more freely. So try to build a lifestyle where you avoid any kind of competition.
Excessive desire for security in partner relationships leads to expressed jealousy, control of the partner.
Usually, when you love someone, you feel like you are a person you can trust. Don’t be scared when your partner goes out to dinner or to the club with friends.
When in love, a person often loses their authenticity
It is logical to initially build the relationship on common bases, on similar interests and similar views of life. For a teenager, similar tastes in music can be crucial, and for an adult, similar ethical views can be crucial.
A common mistake that occurs when developing such relationships is to only emphasize and support each other’s common traits and behaviors.
After a period of time, when this form of unity wears off because there are in reality two people who are of course not and are not supposed to be identical, the “dark side” of this form of relationship emerges. Often it manifests itself with anger at the differences between partners.
The sense of compatibility can be based on both differences and similarities. Partners in a sincere love relationship are aware of the difference between themselves and their partner and it doesn’t bother them at all.
The need to merge with the partner
There are relationships in which partners believe they only exist when they are connected to the other partner. “We are one, and that is the only way I exist.” Of course, this is about immature love and is very often characteristic of being in love.
When they’re not together, a frightening experience of emotional numbness and emptiness ensues. Sometimes defenses against this experience include promiscuous behavior or frequent use of alcohol and psychoactive substances.
This person has a feeling of non-existence, its value depends entirely on the sense of unity with the idealized partner. This behavior is characteristic of infatuation, while in sincere love there is no place for such thoughtful behavior.
Love comes from wanting to be realistic about another, whether or not it destroys our idealized image of them. Of course, this person must allow us to get to know them in depth and in their fullness in order to accept them as a person who is particularly important to us.
That is why love arises slowly through getting to know, discovering and responsibly accepting the other with the desire and will that the other grows with us and matures to fullness and perfection.
There is no true love without sacrifice and renunciation, and being able to endure all difficulties and obstacles, it is said to be stronger than death.
So: infatuation should slowly turn into true love, but in every love there should be a little charm and enchantment of infatuation.