Tonight I decided to let my heart rest.
I assume that I have enough time to wait and do all the things I still want to do. I think I gave my share of energy to stay in this bubble.
I can finally stop counting the days. I can now stop asking when previous feelings can be brought back to the surface.
I can only remember sharing moments with you now because I don’t want to forget even the most imperceptible details of these. I’ve had enough now.
It took so long to accept an ending. I spent months feeding myself with optimism to calm the pain about why I was going through this phase. I had to come up with believable and somewhat logical excuses just so I could keep dreaming about ourselves.
I was so good at manipulating my thoughts to convince myself that things would go back to how they used to be. Fortunately, time turned out to be my friend.
She was generous in allowing me to cry, to ask myself, to question myself, to imagine things, and to feel now. She wasn’t selfish about neglecting my need for a trial.
I’ve had plenty of time to enjoy my false beliefs.
I’ve had enough time to appreciate the game that was waiting. Now is the time to meet all of my expectations and just accept that I no longer want this.
I’m not waiting for anything or anyone anymore. I’m done.
This is not me as I am rude and selfish. This is me as I want to redirect the love I have to those who deserve it. This is me, how I finally make the change that you actually promised me.
That’s all I let go of the future that I wanted along with the past that never wanted me. This is me and this is the present.
Now I have the opportunity to free up the place you occupied in my life and to unravel and erase every photo, message, familiar place, lingering taste, memory – basically everything about you.
Allow me to thank you for helping me grow as a person. Thank you for helping me to see that my patience can be my greatest strength.
You are not a nightmare to be forgotten. It’s just that I want to get out of this dream I’ve been in for a long time. I realized that it would never go on and become my reality.
So, tonight will be the first night I give my heart the much-needed rest – without worries, without the guesswork, without you.
Because my heart has to heal and prepare for the exciting morning.
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