I’m fine with her, but not in love: what should I do?
How many times have you said “I’m fine with her, but not in love”?
It may be time to react and change things.
Loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things. Besides, what are the signs of love?
And this is where things get tricky. Indeed, most people find it difficult to tell the difference between these two situations.
But we can put things into perspective this way:
You can love a friend, without wanting to hug her, make love to her, or go crazy to impress her.
What is love?
At some point, most of us know this feeling:
Your heart races when you see your partner walk into the room and you feel like your time together puts you on top of the world.
Love is a part of life that many people strive to live.
There are many different types of love.
Some people feel butterflies when they fall in love with a special someone; happily married couples for years are deeply attached to each other; and a parent’s love for their children is often considered the strongest love one can experience.
But when it comes to romance, the feelings of love and being in love are separate and depend on the stage of your relationship.
You may have used the phrases “to be in love” and “to love someone” interchangeably, but there are a few differences between them and how we process feelings in relationships.
Determining whether you are truly in love with someone can help you decide whether to be exclusive with them, stay in the relationship, or make a commitment that leads to deeper love.
The spark that defines the love at first sight experience is best described as a strong attraction accompanied by an openness to a future relationship.
Romantic love is more complex, encompassing emotional, cognitive, and behavioral components. It’s also not something that usually happens instantly, but rather something that tends to emerge over time.
Many researchers view love as an emotional attachment based on the quality of a relationship, others measure it by passion, intimacy, and commitment.
If you’re wondering what it means to be in love or love someone, here’s what you need to know. Here are the signs of love…
What is the difference between “I love you” and “I am in love with you”?
Before knowing what type of love exists in your current relationship, it helps to understand the signs of love.
If you’re trying to interpret the strong emotions you have for your partner, here’s how to figure out if you’re in love or just feeling love for her:
1. Being in love with someone is emotionally charged.
What is love?
If you’re wondering what it means to be in love, a key distinction concerns your emotions. Specifically, when you are in love with someone, you feel a strong, almost inexplicable desire for that person.
The excitement and wonder of the beginnings of love, mutual discovery, fantasies and the anticipation of sharing so much in the years to come is a memorable phase in a couple’s life.
In fact, being “in love” often means wanting someone.
I’m fine with her, but not in love, because I no longer feel the urge to have intimate relations.
Paul, 34 years old
2. Loving someone is not based on a whirlwind of emotions.
What is love?
Mature love arises from a developing attachment.
Whether the person you love is a partner, friend, parent, or child, your strong feelings come from deep attachment rather than heightened passion or infatuation.
I’m fine with her, but not in love… In fact, I don’t even want to talk about future projects that we had a while ago.
Alan, 41 years old
3. Being “in love” can fade over time.
What is love?
When you’re in love, deep feelings can be fleeting. Intense adoration can fade over time, and your partner’s newness can fade.
Being in love with someone today is not a guarantee that you will feel the same forever.
I’m fine with her, but not in love. I feel that over time, the routine has settled…
Hervé, 44 years old
4. Loving someone is more permanent.
What is love?
Loving someone is lasting.
Even if the person you love infuriates or disappoints you (or if your relationship becomes distant), you will still care about them on some level.
That’s part of the reason you can continue to love your ex long after a breakup: Loving another person runs deep.
I’m fine with her, but not in love. How do I know? Because I don’t care what she does or who she is with. Everything she does leaves me indifferent.
Thibault, 31 ans
5. The feeling of love can be easily shaken.
What is love?
When you’re in love with someone, your bond may not be strong enough to get you through the trials unshaken.
For example, you may be madly in love with your partner, but as soon as real problems arise, you start to pull away from them or doubt their ability to get through the tough times.
When you feel a deeper love for your long-term partner, the passion can continue to burn through life’s challenges without wavering or fading.
I’m fine with her, but not in love, because the slightest conflict separates us more. A real canyon was born between us.
Xavier, 29 ans
6. Loving someone can survive life’s ups and downs.
What is love?
When you love someone, your relationship is strong enough to overcome life’s challenges. This is because your bond with each other is so inherent that problems can actually bring you closer together.
In relationships that harbor the potential for true love, people almost immediately feel a desire to confess and share whatever is about them, whether negative or positive.
I’m fine with her, but not in love, because I find it very difficult to confide in her.
Amery, 27 years old
These signs of love can be difficult to interpret, but it’s important to know the difference.
“I’m fine with her, but not in love”: how can we interpret this sentence?
You’re sitting on your couch and mumbling “I’m fine with her, but not in love.”
But do you know what this phrase really means to you?
Besides, do you know what you’re trying to tell your partner?
Every relationship has its ups and downs. And all romantic relationships go through the same phases of love. Besides, the signs of love are the same for everyone.
But there is something that is specific to everyone, it is the loss of feelings.
Some people fight against this and try to rekindle the flame.
Others give up.
But when you have a personal conflict where you don’t even know which foot you want to dance on, it complicates things.
“I’m fine with her, but not in love” can mean different things. And you have to find the situation you are in.
1. When “I’m fine with her, but not in love” means you want to end the relationship.
You clearly want to end your relationship and you are clear on this subject, but you do not want to hurt your partner.
It’s easier to say “I’m fine with her, but not in love” than “it’s over”.
Ending a relationship is never pleasant or easy. It’s painful and difficult and that’s why some people may try to soften the blow with statements like this.
2. When “I’m fine with her, but not in love” means you’ve met someone new.
You have met someone who makes you feel alive and happy.
There’s no shame in that, but the situation is delicate.
The difference between how you feel about the new person and your current partner may lead you to conclude that you are no longer in love with the person you are in a relationship with.
Of course, chances are you will find yourself in the same situation with the new person in the future.
All relationships go through downtimes. Your vitality must come from within; this feeling of “falling in love” is a chemical effect that is not meant to last forever.
3. When “I’m fine with her, but not in love” means you’re emotionally closed off.
You notice that you argue a lot and that instead of confiding in the other, you close yourself off.
Some people feel like they are no longer in love when there has been a lot of conflict. The thing is, everyone has struggles and parts of their relationship that just don’t work.
All couples have many unsolvable problems and the difference between the most successful and the rest is not whether there are differences between them, but how they are handled.
This happens because we learn the skills needed to manage them and the good news is that anyone can learn skills.
4. When “I’m fine with her, but not in love” means your life is unsatisfying.
Your life no longer excites you. Love has become dull, boring or predictable.
Sometimes not having love for a while can make the love seem like it’s gone.
Our relationships are like other parts of our relationship: we have to find new ways to keep them alive.
5. When “I’m fine with her, but not in love” means you’re depressed.
This one is more difficult to translate, but it is a very real possibility.
The person experiencing this feeling may be depressed and the color may have faded in many things they once enjoyed, including in their relationship.
If you investigate and think you or your partner are actually depressed rather than falling out of love, it’s time to see a mental health provider for support.
“I’m fine with her, but not in love”: what should you do?
Relationships can be difficult at times and it is not uncommon for couples to lose their romantic feelings and be faced with the decision to stay together or break up.
If you find yourself in this situation and aren’t sure you want to continue your relationship, it’s important to remember that relationships can go through many different phases.
Just because you lost your feelings right now doesn’t mean you can never get them back.
Signs that your relationship might be in trouble:
- You don’t speak anymore.
- You treat your partner differently.
- You are never available for your partner.
- You are completely unaware of the other’s presence.
- You don’t argue anymore.
“I’m fine with her, but not in love”: is it possible to rekindle the relationship?
If you want to try to rekindle your relationship, there are ways to do it. The most important factor is that you and your partner want the same thing, whether it’s relationship therapy or a divorce.
If either of you isn’t interested in saving the marriage, it won’t work unless you have a really strong reason to stay together.
1. Take a step back to move forward
Take the time to reflect on what the first phase of your relationship was like. Ask yourself what was different. Did you treat yourself like you do now?
2. Remember the things you like about your partner
Take the time to think about the qualities you like and cherish in your partner. Pay attention to the things she does that make you smile, like her sense of humor or her spontaneity.
3. Maintain and support your interests and those of your partner
At the start of a relationship, you both still see each other as separate beings and therefore retain the aspects of your personality that allow you to feel fulfilled.
4. Establish a culture of appreciation and respect
We all have our flaws. Rather than focusing on your partner’s flaws, learn to accept them. And whenever you can express the things you love about your partner, be sure to do so.
5. Strengthen your emotional intelligence
Healthy relationships require both partners to work hard and empathize with each other in order to succeed. If one partner is unwilling to do this, it can cause a problem that needs to be resolved quickly before the relationship deteriorates.
6. Go out with your partner again
It’s easy to not pay as much attention to your partner as you did when you first started, but if you want to rekindle the feelings you shared, maybe all you need to do is pay more attention to your relationship.
“I’m fine with her, but not in love”: when should you say “goodbye”?
Sometimes you have to face the facts.
Things don’t work.
The feelings no longer exist and they cannot be saved.
So the only solution is to separate. It is useless to make efforts in vain, to sacrifice your happiness or simply to be silent so as not to hurt the other.
In fact, it only makes the situation worse. The longer you prolong the agony, the more painful the death of the couple will be. Better to be clear as soon as possible.
But that doesn’t mean you have to be rude. It is useless to hurt the other.
To love someone is also to show respect in separation.
Signs of love may have faded between you, but you did love each other at some point. It is therefore important to end things on good communication.
Simply sit down and say what you have to say. Sincerity is your best weapon.
It’s like removing a bandage, quickly tug on it to limit injuries. Be honest and explain how you feel.
On the other hand, avoid classic phrases like:
- It’s not you, it’s me.
- I want us to stay friends.
- I am not ready for a serious relationship.