That’s what happened to me, so I know what I’m talking about. I want to share my most painful experience with you. I want to open my heart and become completely vulnerable to you all.
I do so in the hope that my story will help others free themselves from the hell they are going through as I have freed myself from it.
It took me a long time to realize which monster I was married – it took 4 years. 4 years of tears, 4 years of pain, 4 years of thinking, it’s all my fault.
After all this time, I am not the same anymore. He took the part of me that made me what I am. He stole it from me and turned me into something I did not want to be. Something he wanted from me. Something he could control – a mannequin disguised as a woman.
He was an infinite bastard. A heartless asshole.
He did not care about a single soul in this world except himself. He did not care about his family or his friends. Actually, he did not even have real friends. And he took mine too. It was so calculated, it was so refined and I did not get it.
I could not just go like this. Even as I began to understand what he was doing to me, I could not just run away. It’s not as easy as it seems. I know that people sometimes condemn women who are being abused because they still cling to their perpetrators. These abused women even defend their perpetrators and apologize for them. Well, it’s easy to play the role of an observer and judge these women.
But living this scenario and getting up every morning with a fear-filled stomach and disappointment is something completely different.
These women are afraid to go because they have got used to the bad treatment. They do not know any better. It’s incredibly strange, because in a sense they have at least some security, even if they live with a perpetrator. These poisonous men know how to make you think they really care about you.
They know how to give you enough attention to keep you. And when they do that, they turn into venomous sociopaths, their real selves, over and over again, and the vicious circle continues. That’s why you can not go away. He always gives you the hope that he will change.
The only thing these women know is mistreatment. If someone screams and insults you every day, it becomes your natural environment. After some time these hard, loud insults do not bother you so much anymore. His threats and violent behaviour do not affect you so much. I mean, it affects you, but you swallow everything. You are no longer trembling before him, but you are going through hell inside.
If he gives you a dose, you become addicted. It’s like being a drug addict. He made you try it a few times, and now you can not stop. You always need more and more and he always gives you something that you think you need, something that you think about without which you can not live.
When a drug addict becomes sober, he realizes what he did to himself. He realizes how much damage he has done to his precious mind and body and realizes how stupid he was to the point where he could not get enough. Either you give up the drugs or you die. It’s the same for you. Leave him or die inside.
When your innermost self tells you that something is wrong, and when you feel as if you are locked up, when your true self begins to fade, or when you are completely lost, you become emotionally abused. All the things I’ve written here are true, but most women who live it can not accept it or are afraid of it.
If you are still too timid to take the step into sobriety, to give up the sociopath who constantly feeds you with poison, then remember the following …
Love should not be like that. Love should not yell at you for having a bad day. Love is not there to blackmail you emotionally. Love should not make you feel less worthy.
Love should not break you.
And these men are anything but love. They scream, they curse and they are disrespectful.
These men do not know how to love. They know how to pretend to love you. They use their villainous manipulative power to enlighten you and make you forget what is happening.
You have the power to control you, but only until you wake up from the nightmare they have instructed you and realize that you deserve it and want it much better than you have now.
Open your eyes to save yourself. See what he does to you and run (like me) for your life …
1. He lights you up and makes you feel like you’re the crazy one.
This is his favourite tactic, something he does best. It makes you believe things that are not true. Even if you doubt him at first and confront him, he will make such powerful and vivid excuses, and this discussion will last for days.
He will pretend it’s not a big deal. Even if you caught him sending a message to another woman who is clearly his lover, he’ll make you believe it’s not true. First, you’ll insist he explain the situation to you, but after some time, when you hear the same excuses over and over again, you will begin to doubt yourself. In fact, you’re going to tell yourself that it’s all in your head that you’re pushing things too far.
That was his plan all the time. To make you believe that you are the madman and that he has never done anything wrong.
2. He makes you believe that everything is your fault.
He is totally guilty if he fools you. He makes you think that you are the one who is responsible for literally everything – his and your mistakes. After all, he is the perfect one and it is impossible for him to make a mistake. You are the incompetent, the submissive, the last on the list.
So he blackmails you emotionally. If he has difficulties in his life, he will convict you of guilt by saying that you do not love him, or that you are not giving him enough of your time, and that is why he failed. Not because he’s incompetent, but because you’re not trying hard enough.
3. He is a control freak.
He is obsessed with control. That’s why he has isolated you from the rest of the world. He does not want you to communicate with someone besides him so he can feed you with his poisonous thoughts and violent behaviour. You think there’s nothing better for you, just what he gives you.
He also knows he can not grab your attention. After you fall in love with him, he knows he has to do something to make you stay. In order to realize this, he controls every possible situation, so there are no surprises. This makes you feel like a prisoner.
4. He is an absolute hypocrite.
In the beginning, he will be perfect. He will move mountains for you and you for him. But after some time it will change and get worse and worse. He will trick you, he will lie and he will manipulate you. He will treat you as if you were the last on his list of priorities because, in fact, you are.
And what’s funny is that you have to stay perfect and flawless. You have to pay attention to your behaviour and you have to be careful that you do not hurt him in any way while treating you like dirt.
5. The world revolves around him.
He needs to be the centre of attention and your whole world has to revolve around him. If you do something that has nothing to do with it, it will make you incredibly jealous and make you pay for the mistake you made.
In fact, he does not have his own identity. He needs you to strengthen his ego and feed him with your approval, which is sad if you look at it more closely.
6. He does not respect your limits.
That’s again because he does not respect you enough to take care of it. We all have limits, we all draw the line when something is too much for us. We have things that we tolerate and things that we despise.
Well, he does not respect that. He thinks he has the right to set your limits. And even if you stay firm and let him know when it’s enough, he will not respect it. He will cross those boundaries every time he wants because he does not care about what you need or think at all.
7. He lies perfectly.
He was born that way. Pretty much everything he says is a lie. He lies so perfectly that you would never doubt him, and he is consistent. He never loses himself in this mess of lies he creates. Even if you catch him lying, he will stay calm and calm. And he will also lie out of this situation.
8. He consumes you slowly.
He will use you and suck your energy dry. And that will last as long as he needs it. Even if you are completely exhausted and have nothing left, he will leave you for a while and come back when you are fully charged again. He will infect you with his toxicity and keep you from seeing how capable, strong and beautiful you are.
His main goal is to assure you that you are a great nothing without him. And to do that, he plays all kinds of emotional mind games, just to assure you that he is everything you can ever have. If he tried to keep you in any other way, he would be alone forever.
9. You fight with fear and do not know why.
You are scared and can not figure out why. That’s because your whole relationship is wrong. He is wrong. It is because you do not feel well in your relationship and you feel that he is disrespectful and mean without a good reason.
You think everything is your fault, and you blame yourself for tempting you to do that. You think you are less worthy and you actually begin to believe that you are lucky that you have any kind of relationship at all. You are scared because you over-analyze things that are so simple that you just can not see them yet.
10. He is extremely rude to the people he is not interested in.
He was just nice to impress you. He does not care about other people and is never friendly to anyone. On the contrary, he is extremely rude and uncomfortable. That’s because he does not need anything from these people, so he does not hide.
When he actually needs help from someone, he turns up all his charm and of course gets what he wants. Afterwards you are just another face in the crowd for him – completely irrelevant and nonexistent.