Breakups are never easy, but when we know that the other side is the guilty party and that in spite of what we feel, we know that we are better without them, it soothes our minds.
But, when we know we are the ones to blame, it’s a whole different story. Our wounds and pain are deepened by the feeling of guilt that consumes us.
For me, the hardest part was accepting that it was my fault that it all ended. I was the one who screwed up. I was the one who was too clingy and too jealous, and I basically suffocated our relationship.
This mess in my head hurt both of us.
It took me a long while to accept the fact that it was over forever and that for the greater part, it was because of me. But whatever the reason for your breakup is, also know that it takes two to stay in a relationship, as well as it takes two to ruin one.
When it comes to love wrecks, nothing is ever black or white. And I am not saying that to justify myself or anyone else in a similar situation. It’s just the reality of things.
I am fully aware of where I went wrong, and I paid for it in tears, a broken heart and sleepless nights. But I also learned a lot. The whole experience made me grow as a person.
You see, time gives you clarity, and once I took a step back, I realized that there was a reason I unconsciously sabotaged my relationship: it wasn’t going to last anyway, and I just kept on fooling myself.
I wasn’t ready for the relationship I was in because I came into it carrying baggage from my last relationship. I was filled with trust issues and insecurities, and I just couldn’t shake them off so easily.
On the other hand, he couldn’t understand me. He couldn’t understand what I had gone through and why I behaved the way I did. I don’t blame him for that, though. It wasn’t his job to heal me and make me happy. That was always in my hands. I just didn’t realize that at the time.
That’s why I am trying to do that now. I am rebuilding my life brick by brick. I am learning to love myself. I am learning to depend on myself. I am learning to forgive myself.
I kept on wishing to turn back time and do everything differently. Sadly, that can’t be done. That’s why I did the only thing that was left for me to do. I made peace with the situation. I accepted that the damage can’t be undone.
Still, I wanted him to know that I am sorry. I wanted him to know that I know now what I didn’t know back then and that my intention wasn’t to hurt him. It was good to get that off my chest.
Don’t wait too long to say you are sorry. It won’t fix anything, but it will benefit you, and it will let other people know that you care for their feelings.
Don’t be too hard on yourself. We all screw up from time to time. We are only human, and mistakes are the ones that make us grow. Learn from them; don’t be their prisoner.
Everything will be OK in the end, I swear. You just have to see the silver lining underneath all those dark clouds that are above you.
Whatever you have done, forgive yourself. Give yourself a chance to make it right. Create a life you will be proud of. Work on yourself, by yourself for yourself, and make sure you don’t make the same mistakes next time around.
And there will be a next time; don’t doubt that for a second. To start work immediately and be the best version of yourself.