These days, meeting someone decent seems like a miracle.
It’s so random and there are so many moving parts. It’s a constant emotional whirlwind… And it looks so much more complicated than before!
Of course, that doesn’t mean that love is basically something simple and easy. Nope, far from it.
But love also doesn’t have to be as complicated and complex as it is made out to be. Ultimately, love is an innate, primordial feeling that we all feel naturally.
It shouldn’t be too hard to make sense of this feeling, and there’s no need to spend time making things more complicated than they really are.
Expectations vs. Reality
We each have the right to feel safe, valued and respected in our relationships. Spending time with someone you love should be fun, enjoyable, and something that makes you feel good.
Unfortunately, you may find yourself in a relationship with someone who says they care about you, but actually makes you feel weak, anxious, scared, or upset.
You may have strong feelings for him, but his behavior may be unhealthy.
You can also make excuses for him or misinterpret the violence, interpret his behavior or his anger as an expression of love.
But even if he loves you, this behavior can harm your emotional and physical health. And often, the longer you stay in the relationship, the worse it gets.
The person by your side should do these 3 things
Relationships come with their share of compromises, negotiations, arguments and frustrations. However, when the feeling of comfort and ease outweighs the other emotions, you know you’ve finally found the person you deserve.
So here are 3 things you should expect from the right partner.
1. You deserve someone who makes you feel safe.
Someone who makes you feel comfortable. Someone who brings you peace and relaxation instead of stress and tension.
Oh, I know, you find volcanic relationships exciting, but… they’re not good for you.
Do you really want to be with someone who argues with you every time you make the slightest mistake? Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t listen to you? Who will talk about your problems with you in an immature and disrespectful way?
Or do you want someone who won’t blame you for your mistakes because they know they’re not perfect either? And who wouldn’t want you to feel worse than you already do?
You deserve someone who can calm you down when you’re falling apart. Someone who can successfully convince you that everything will be fine, even if it feels like your world is spiraling out of control.
Why settle for someone who makes your hard days even harder?
While you might have someone who takes some of the weight off your shoulders, someone who acts like your teammate and stands by your side so you can work through your issues together .
The right partner is someone who brings a sense of stability to your world, someone who makes you feel grounded, but also has your head in the clouds.
You shouldn’t be with someone who makes you fear the worst. Like leaving you on a whim, bringing out your worst fears of abandonment.
You also shouldn’t have to wonder if he has bad intentions towards you.
2. You deserve someone who gives you the freedom to be yourself.
Being comfortable with your partner and vice versa is paramount, as you should be able to be yourselves when you are together.
He should be able to see your face straight out of bed and still think you’re beautiful. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not just because you want to please her.
Although change is constant, you don’t have to fake anything about yourself to make it happy. You should be able to share jokes freely, talk about the silliest things, and laugh together without feeling awkward.
You deserve someone who loves you exactly the way you are.
Someone who constantly points out areas where you need improvement, who forces you to change even when you’re happy with your current state has misunderstood love.
So what’s the point in choosing to stay with someone who keeps trying to change you?
The right partner will not force you, but will support you in any way possible.
It will accompany you in your development.
3. You deserve someone who fills your heart, not empties it.
This person will be excited about what the future holds for you.
And she will try to give you as much as you give her, without you having to ask her.
Of course, we all love with different intensities and have different abilities to give and receive love.
So sometimes you can give someone all your love and they might feel overwhelmed by that love, only giving you a little bit in return.
Sometimes that little bit is all it’s capable of, which may not be enough for you.
It’s not their fault, and it’s not yours either.
But you deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel like too much or too little .
You deserve someone who cares and feels like you, or at least who is engaged and understanding enough to be truly ok with your differences in intensity.
You really deserve to be with someone who doesn’t make you hesitate.
True love is a risk
But it is a risk that is never based on constant insecurity, uncertainty and inconsistency.
Love is exciting, but it also has a rhythm. It’s a steady, steady pace that you should be able to rely on. It’s a sense of security you can slip into.
Love should never have the power to make you feel unworthy or force you to sacrifice yourself.