You know what’s funny about the fact that we’re both done? You had the nerve to say that you were broken, and that you ended up being hurt.
You had the nerve to say that I left you like a dog and moved on without ever looking back.
I wish it were so, I wish it were as you told everyone. I wish it was me the bad, but it is not so.
Because for months, you drained me, for months, you took parts of me as you please. I was ready to give you everything I had, because I thought I would at least love you in return.
And now, you’re hurt. And bein guess what? I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place.
I refuse to apologize for finally seeing my value. To have finally seen that I am so much more than just your girlfriend, that I am so much more than the one who should run after you and please you.
And I deserve more than all the pain you have inflicted on me. I deserve a gaga love that warms the whole body, which returns the stomach and makes it fly.
I deserve this gaga love that never lets go of the silly grin of the face. I deserve love, and you did not give me anything.
I refuse to apologize for getting up on my feet. For finally struggling against you, for finally giving up the hope that you would change, because it took me too long to realize that you will never do it.
I refuse to apologize for finding the strength in me, when I thought there was none left. For finding traces of the old self somewhere deep down inside me, when I felt like you’d been drowning for a long time.
To have finally let down your toxic love, which I should have done a long time ago.
I refuse to say sorry for falling in love with me. Since you refused to do it, someone had to do it. Since you did not know how to see the beauty of my mind and my heart, I did it.
Since you did not see how great I was, I had to do it. And now, you’re hurt. You’ve had me too long, but you only saw how I could help you.
You only saw how I could help you boost your ego and make fun of me once again. Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to be kissed as if there was no tomorrow.
Not once did you wonder if I would have liked to feel beautiful by your side. Not once did you wonder if I was maybe, just maybe, the one who was hurt.
I refuse to apologize for choosing myself instead of you. For the first time in such a long time, for the first time since our meeting, for the first time since I told you I loved you, I choose myself.
For the first time, I choose my needs, my sanity and my heart rather than yours. And for the first time, I feel good.
I feel like I can do everything; I feel like I could write an entire book in a week.
I want to jump from an airplane. I feel alive, something I have not felt for so long.
I refuse to say sorry for making myself a priority. I refuse to apologize for doing something that I should have done for a long time. For being away from you, for saving what was left of me.
I refuse to apologize for rebuilding myself. The only person I should apologize to is myself, and I did not do all this sooner.
Because I’m really, really sorry to have stayed with you so long, hoping you’d change. Sorry to have given you everything, and to have received nothing in return.
Sorry to have loved you more than I loved myself, only so that you could reject that love. To have made you my priority, while you made me your last choice.
So I refuse to apologize for finally putting myself in the first place, because no one else will do it for me.