I miss you in so many little things
I miss you. I miss the way we could laugh at anything until our bellies ached. I miss the way we were in my bed and just happy. I miss the way I catch you, how you staring at me out of the corner of my eye, and when I ask you what you think about, you smile and say “nothing” …
I miss seeing you write a message to me like clockwork every day at 5 pm, pronouncing the simple words “hey sweetie” … Two words that would give me butterflies right away and make me put your lips to mine.
I miss the way we talked. I miss saying to someone at the bar, “Sorry, I’m forgiven,” and looking at you on the other side of the room. I miss the way you kissed me even though I was ill with the flu. And as you said, “I do not care. I would kiss you all day if I could, “when I apologized.
I miss how we kept most of our kisses in a private atmosphere, as if we had something in demand, something that is too good for others to see. And sometimes, when we kissed, I felt you smile on my lips. I miss it, as you’ve always told me, how excited you were to see me when I came to your apartment, and how you were really upset when I did not have time to come.
I miss the way you called me to talk, with nothing else in mind but to see how my day has gone. I miss you and the way you made fun of yourself for premature balding. I miss it when your friends tell me that you’ve never talked so much about a girl as you talked about me. And I miss to bring a pizza and a few beers for you and your friends, just like that!
I miss how my friends persuaded me to go out with you but then to be convinced that I made the right choice. I miss our unpleasant first date and the fact that you did not lean back to kiss me goodbye, and I miss how happy I was that I did.
I miss the way you grab my hand and pull me into a kiss by wrapping your arms so tightly around me that I wish you would never let me go. But above all, I miss the person who showed me that I made him happy, not the one who just said it because I asked.
The one who could not wait until Thursday evening so we could spend the night together. That you came over after work only for 45 minutes, because it was worth spending even this short time with me. That you were proud to have me by your side.
I do not miss you, with the short answers I got when we talked, if we even talked. Or the one you did not even offer to pay for me when we went to dinner. Or the you that filled my head and heart with empty promises. I do not miss the you that told me that we are “nothing”. Or the one that made me cry because of the argument we had over the end of the relationship.
I do not miss the Thou that you have become, but the Thou that I have met. I do not miss the one that stopped giving it a try; the you that did not fight for us. The one who let me go too easy. Or the one who kissed another girl right in front of my eyes after kissing me like never before. I do not miss the one that broke me. I miss the old you. I miss that you for which I fell head over heels – someone completely different from the one I broke up with.