I miss him: get my ex back or forget about him completely?
This is a feeling that is quite common when we break up.
Indeed, when you thought you would spend the rest of your life with this man, the breakup comes like a cleaver.
Suddenly, all the future you had imagined is lost.
All the dreams you shared are gone.
A person’s lack becomes real.
You are left with nothingness, pain and incomprehension.
Why is this happening to you?
Why do you suffer so much?
I miss him, because I can’t get over the shock of the separation. It happened so suddenly!
Anne, 31 years old
The lack of a person is often linked to an unexpected event.
I miss him, why?
I miss my ex, even though our relationship wasn’t ideal and the breakup was chaotic.
Flower, 37 years old
Is the lack of a person a normal feeling?
Often it’s not the breakup that causes the greatest heartbreak, but trying to finally let the ex out of your life.
The lack of a person can be very painful.
It’s completely normal for you to miss your ex after a relationship ended, whether the partnership seemed pretty rosy, or whether he was struggling with major issues.
The thought of having to do without this person from now on is enough to create an irresistible nostalgia.
So it’s understandable if you’re wondering, “Why do I miss my ex?” »
If you’re trying to get over an ex, it’s important to understand why you’re having the feelings associated with that person. Because the emotions we feel when we think of these people are not always related to love.
I just miss him because I used to have someone by my side.
Helen, 34 years old
In such circumstances, people suffering from heartbreak struggle with their loneliness without realizing that their negative feelings have no direct connection with their ex-partner.
That’s why I explain below how you can tell if you really want your ex or just want to be with someone.
Do I miss him or do I miss the romantic relationship?
It took me a while to realize that I only miss him because I needed intimacy and human warmth.
Pauline, 28 years old
Going through the post-breakup period is one of the most painful experiences one can have.
After all, the ex-partner was still an important part of your life until recently.
And the lack of a person is difficult to accept.
It is really difficult in this situation to suddenly accept the fact that you are alone and that you can no longer enjoy togetherness, as was the case some time ago.
Sure, there are friends and family to consult at times like this, but they can’t replace a romantic partner when you’re feeling lonely.
The more lonely and desperate you are, the more likely you are to remember the positive aspects of the relationship and block out any negative moments.
Often, we do not notice how little these memories reflect the real reality.
Suddenly, the lack of a person makes you think that old love seems to have been the perfect partner.
And you refuse to mourn.
I miss him !
My ex was my soul mate!
Unknown, 32 years old
It is a phenomenon that is often called pink retrospection which is responsible for this.
This is a form of cognitive distortion, a type of error that occurs when we think about events that we have experienced and whose information we remember incorrectly.
And it is precisely this phenomenon that is at work when you feel alone and think about your ex-partner in your solitude.
In such moments, it is very difficult to establish a realistic link with the past.
We then have the feeling that the ex-partner was a much more impressive person than he really was and even the most mundane experiences, which were felt less intensely, are then remembered as particularly moving and happy moments in through cognitive distortion.
The lack of a person is related to the natural need to connect with others.
My ex was always by my side, now I’m completely alone!
Tia, 36 years old
But often there is something much deeper behind that need, which could indicate a problem.
Indeed, some people, after the failure of their relationship, tend to suffer so much from their loneliness that they do everything they can to avoid it.
And that sometimes means that – often without even realizing it themselves – they just want to get back to their ex-partner so they’re not alone anymore.
I miss him because I’m not used to being alone.
Valerie, 29 years old
But if you can only be happy in the presence of others, it is impossible for another person to make you truly happy.
If this applies to you, it is important that you now work on your own happiness – independent of others.
Emotional dissatisfaction can have many different underlying causes, some of which have their roots in childhood.
Therefore, it may be advisable to discuss these issues with a therapist.
Indeed, the lack of a person can create long-term troubles.
Wanting to fill an inner void with the presence of another human being will sooner or later only lead to procrastinating on the problems with which you are struggling.
Indeed, some people go so far as to cling to relationships even when they have become toxic and their well-being is threatened.
My ex was emotionally abusing me, yet I can’t get over it!
Geraldine, 38 years old
Although the relationships they maintain do not even begin to fill them, they want at all costs to avoid the risk of finding themselves one day alone.
Because that would mean they reach a point where they feel compelled to deal with their personal issues instead of being distracted by the presence of others.
It’s not uncommon for people in the throes of loneliness to want to end the pain of their separation by rushing into a new couple after their relationship.
Such relationships are called rebound relationships, they usually last only a short time and only serve to try to replace the ex.
It’s hard to say when is a good time to start dating someone new after a breakup.
Besides, the lack of a person can quickly push you into the arms of the wrong person.
However, the focus should be on trying to devote as much time and energy to activities that are important to you.
Do I have to do everything to get my ex back?
I miss him, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to try to win him back.
Alina, 29 years old
The one and only reason for trying to win your ex back is love.
Indeed, even if we consider that all relationships where there has been no abuse, infidelity or lies can (in theory) be saved, not all are worth it.
What does it mean ?
It’s simple !
I understand that, as long as respect is present, there is no reason for hatred to settle between two exes.
But let’s not forget that if the couple imploded, there is a reason.
The lack of a person should not push you to do anything.
Maybe the partners didn’t have the same goals or one wanted a serious relationship, but the other didn’t.
Never mind !
The reason was there. In my opinion, even in these cases, we should not run after a resumption of the relationship.
I miss him so much ! But I dream of having children, while he doesn’t want any!
Sophia, 24 years old
I will be honest with you!
I think you should never go back to your ex.
After all, you tested and you failed. A final point must be made.
Because the lack of a person can sometimes disturb your way of thinking.
But on the other hand, if you are convinced that this man is the one you should end your life with, what can you do?
If after months of separation, you managed to calmly analyze the situation…
You realize the mistakes you both made and you think there is a workable solution.
So, you can contact your ex and chat with him.
Missing someone can be too emotional.
But with hindsight, it is easier to see things and reason logically.
Maybe he too came to the same conclusion as you.
I miss him too much and apparently he misses me too.
But we don’t know how to give ourselves another chance.
Aline, 41 years old
How do I get my ex back because I miss him?
If you’ve come to the conclusion that you need to give your ex a chance, what should you do?
I repeat, this is a decision you have to make cold, don’t let your emotions control your actions!
Here’s what you can do to get your ex back:
1. I miss him, but I have to take care of myself.
I miss him so much, but I have to think about my sanity first.
Unknown, 27 years old
Your happiness should not depend on a man! Change what you don’t like about yourself and focus on your passions and your friends.
2. I miss him, but I don’t have to pay attention to him.
I miss my ex, but I know men love the chase.
So I’m going to ignore it!
Unknown, 29 years old
Escape me and I will follow you ; Follow me, I’ll follow you !
It really works with men.
3. I miss him, but we need to learn how to communicate.
I miss him too much, but we didn’t know how to talk together. Is it possible to learn to communicate better?
Sabina, 29 years old
Ask yourself why you couldn’t solve your problems the first time around.
How does your ex work?
How do you operate?
What is your love language?
Learn to talk about your needs and listen to those of your ex.
4. I miss him, but I can’t force him to love me.
My ex doesn’t know what he wants! Should I convince him to give me another chance?
Sara, 28 years old
I know you think you know everything about him. After all, you’ve been in a relationship before.
But you have to see this as a whole new relationship.
Do not rush and above all do not force him to commit immediately.
Give him time to see if it’s really something he wants!
5. I miss him, but I have to accept his response.
I miss him too much, but he doesn’t want to hear from me anymore!
Zara, 31 years old
If his response to your proposal to give your couple a second chance is positive, great!
Go step by step. And don’t pick up where you left off.
If his answer is negative, accept it.
The lack of a person should not turn you into a harpy!
Move on. Clearly, your couple no longer has a chance.
You can read the next chapter to know how to get over your ex permanently.
Should I forget my ex?
I miss him so much ! But he was unfaithful and I don’t know if I can forgive him? !
I miss him, but is our story worth it?
Odile, 44 years old
My honest answer is yes!
Even if you still love him. Even if you think the breakup is a mistake. And even if the lack of a person seems real to you.
If you’ve tried to give your relationship a second chance, but it didn’t work out, you don’t really have a choice anyway.
If there’s been infidelity, lying, abuse, disrespect, or ignorance in your ex-partner, you don’t even have to think about whether you should give them another chance.
The answer is no.
How can I forget my ex, even if I miss him?
Clearly, I miss him, but I know my ex is not for me.
So I have to forget it.
Zoe, 31 years old
When you find that you’re still clinging on to your ex and going through the pain that comes with bereavement, there are some rules you need to follow to fully handle the breakup.
1. To deal with the lack of a person, say goodbye to memories.
I miss him so much, but if I don’t get rid of everything that reminds me of him, I will never heal!
Eugenie, 29 years old
Although this tip may seem obvious, most people tend to ignore this rule.
The thought of just throwing away those memories can be overwhelming. Because the moment you let that plan come true, you feel like you’ve finally let go of your old love.
A good measure would be to return your ex’s belongings to their owner.
2. To deal with the lack of a person, avoid looking for who to blame.
I miss him too much, but by playing musical chairs, I’m doing myself more harm than good.
Beatrice, 43 years old
If you feel alone after the breakup, the temptation is very strong to relive everything that happened and to wonder who is responsible for the breakup and what could have been avoided.
You may even think that blaming your ex and creating a negative image of them will help . But it slows down your healing.
3. To manage the lack of a person, cut off all contact!
I miss him so much, but I don’t really have a choice.
For my own good, I have to pretend he doesn’t exist!
I will not let the lack of a person control my life.
Celine, 33 years old
If you want to get over your ex-partner as quickly as possible, it’s important to completely stop contact for at least a while.
This includes calling, texting and visiting the ex’s social media profiles.
While talking to your ex might temporarily make you feel a little better, in the long run it will be harder for you to mentally walk away from it all.
4. To deal with the lack of a person, think productively about your past.
I miss him too much, but I realize that I idealized our relationship a lot.
Alice, 41 years old
Studies have shown that people who take the time to honestly analyze their relationship and their breakup, then write down what really happened in a journal have fewer negative feelings about their ex.
They thought less about missing someone and had less compulsive ruminations about their breakup.
Try to be objective in your journal and always try to view the breakup from a positive perspective, such as focusing on the important lessons you learned from the experience.