My timidity makes it hard for me to be near people. I only have short talks. I smile and nod when I have no idea what to say. I avoid anyone I recognize when I meet them in public. I do not want to be addressed, I do not want to be touched, I do not want to be noticed.
I’m bad at flirting because I usually feel uncomfortable in such conversations. Soon after it starts I just want to flee. All I want is to be alone again. I isolate myself. I stand in the background.
But when I met you, we clicked for some reason.
I immediately felt at home with you. I could joke with you. I could flirt with you. I could be “my crazy self” around you.
I liked you because I felt comfortable with you. Because you made me happy. Relaxed. In peace with myself.
I like you because I rarely come across someone who understands me. Someone who understands where I come from. Someone who never made me feel like tiptoeing to avoid insults.
I liked you because I was never afraid of you. I never questioned myself. I never over-analyzed. I never felt worthless when you were in the same room. You helped me to love myself more, or at least to accept myself more.
I liked you because although there were times when I was nervous, I never felt really anxious about you. I never felt like an outsider. I have never felt so painful and uncomfortable with you as with the others – and that has made you special. That made you someone I wanted to keep close to for a long time.
It’s so shitty that we stop talking because people like you do not come into my world often.
Most of the time I meet people and get into unpleasant conversation. I try my best to connect with them, but in the end, I say the wrong thing. Either my humour does not match their humour or they do not understand my sarcasm or our interests are just too different. Most of the time it’s impossible for me to withstand a five-minute conversation without looking for the exit door.
Of course it was different with you. You never had trouble initiating conversations. You could talk to a stranger as if he were your best friend. You never had any difficulties with social interactions. You were a good speaker. You were adorable.
Therefore, it does not bother you that I am no longer in your world, that we do not see each other anymore, that we never talk to each other. I guess that’s why I’m the only one who still thinks of us from time to time.
For you, I was just another friend. Another person who entered and left your universe.
For me, you were one of the few people with whom I really felt connected. One of the few people I really regret leaving behind.