I’m over it. I’ve said too many times, “Just one more time.” Too often I have made excuses: “He didn’t want to.”
I always made excuses for you, so it became an automatic response to everything you did. I didn’t even know I could be that blind. Then you were the man of my dreams. You seemed so considerate, caring.
It took years to realize that you were just taking advantage of me and knew how to manipulate me. I melted from your words and touch. Nothing could make me happier. That’s why I’ve forgiven you so often.
When you made a mistake, at first I laughed. You convinced me that it’s okay. I felt so loved that I thought your mistakes were normal. We’re all wrong, right?
When I was angry with you, you started kissing me and I calmed down again. If you didn’t love me, you wouldn’t treat me like that, right?
And so it was from one chance to the next.
Every time I was angry with you, there was a fight, but in the end, I forgave you. Maybe I was blinded by love, or maybe I so desperately wanted to feel your love, that’s why I closed my eyes to all.
I justified you. “He’s probably just busy because he forgot to call me back.” “He couldn’t forget about my birthday, it just flew out of his head.”
I found for myself the reason for every little thing. I even blamed myself: they say, if you forgot about something, it’s my fault that I didn’t remind you. Yes, and you made me think that I had to endure everything and forgive for what you bought me.
I didn’t know anymore if I stayed with you because I loved you or simply because I was used to it.
The first time I tried to leave, you cried and threatened to kill yourself. I thought only women were manipulated that way. But I believed you and drowned out the inner voice that told me to run.
You promised to change, so why would I leave? I considered myself bad because I could not improve our relationship. I decided to leave and felt like a coward. And you looked at me with such eyes that I could not refuse and not give you another chance?
And I made the same mistake again. But now that’s enough!
Enough listening to your excuses and believing in your empty promises.
That little girl who was blind and stupid has grown up and is no longer naive. And you believed that I would stay like that.
But now I choose myself.
Nothing in the world will make me give you another chance anymore, because you haven’t changed anything in the million chances that I have already given you.
Enough for me. You don’t deserve a single chance anymore.
I finally made a decision that will make me happy.
There is someone who takes full advantage of one chance, and I will wait for it. I realized that one chance is enough for someone who wants to love you. He doesn’t need dozens of chances to figure out what I mean to him. He will immediately treat me correctly.