I don’t understand why you stopped writing to me

I don’t understand why you stopped writing to me. I guess you felt differently to me than I did to you – but I have a hard time believing that because our connection felt so strong.

If we wrote earlier, the talks would last for hours.

I thought you had real feelings for me. You complimented me. You told me that you miss me. You made me feel like I matter.

Now that you are no longer in my world, I cannot finish it. I can’t stop myself from questioning what went wrong between us.

We never quarrelled. I never did anything to push you away. At least I don’t think I’ve done anything.

Maybe I grew too strong and chased you away. Or maybe I didn’t express my feelings clearly enough and you assumed I wasn’t interested.

I can’t say why you stopped writing to me because it happened out of the blue.

Everything was fine in one day. The next day you were gone.

I keep reading through our old conversations to find out if I said anything insulting. Whether there was hidden tension that I didn’t notice at the time. But I can’t find any warning signs. Our last conversation was no different from our usual conversations.

I don’t understand why you stopped writing to me because we got along so well. I thought we were on the way to a real relationship. At least I thought we were friends. I thought you thought I was someone you could trust, someone you wanted to keep in your world.

I don’t understand why you stopped writing to me because I didn’t do anything wrong. I treated you well. I never confronted you when it took you too long to answer me. I never suffocated you with too many messages. I respected your limits.

I keep saying to myself that your disappearance is only temporary, that you will reappear soon. Every time I get a message, I hope to see your name on the screen and feel my stomach go down when it’s not there.

I want to believe that your cell phone is broken and you had to get a new one. That there was an emergency in your family and you didn’t have time to send me a message. But after so long? That can not be. There is no reasonable excuse.

As much as it kills me to admit it, you don’t write to me because you don’t like me the way I like you. I understand that now. I just don’t understand why.

Maybe you got bored with me. Maybe you found another woman, a better woman. Maybe you only wrote to me because you were bored and lonely and desperate. Maybe our conversations never meant as much to you as I did. Maybe I misunderstood all of your signals and saw what I wanted to see.

I don’t understand why you stopped writing to me, but I will accept it. I’m not going to fight it. I will not beg you to stay in my life.