I Do Not Want Your Promises, I Want Coherence


Your words may not be lies, and you may really think what you are saying.

You might want to keep your promises, but I can not trust you so easily.

I had my share of lessons in life for being so naive.

I have been lied to, too often. My hope has been broken so many times before.

I gave the benefit of the doubt to too many bad people.

I always ended up being mocked or broken, even when I had the purest intentions.

That’s why I do not need your words in the air, I need consistency.

I stopped believing in people’s words so easily.

You are what you do, not what you pretend you’re going to do.

So, whatever someone promises me, I take it with reserve.

I do not take it with heart. And I behave so to save my broken heart.

In this way, if people keep their promises, I have something to be happy about.

Otherwise, at least I’m not disappointed because I did not expect anything at all.

I stopped trusting people so easily.

You may be good, but you may be toxic too.

And I’m not ready to play with my heart anymore.

I do not want to welcome people just because they look good or nice.

That was the old self and the old self has been hurt so many times before.

The old self was too naive and trusted people too easily.

Now that life has given me all these lessons, I am much smarter.

And then you’ll have to prove to me that you’re good before I can let you in.

I have already been broken. Before, I had no problem picking up the pieces and moving on.

But, unfortunately, I was broken once too much and I’m not as strong as before.

I can not manage toxic people as well as before. Now, more than ever, I doubt myself.

I continue to believe that there must be something wrong with me, that I am doing something wrong that makes people treat me so badly.

It must be me, right?

I am not strong enough to allow another toxic person to take over me.

Even if you’re not bad, I can not take the risk, because I’m not sure if I’ll be able to get back on my feet if it turns out you’re like everyone else.

I would not be able to convince myself that it’s not my fault, I could not tell myself that it’s not me that makes people bad, I could not convince myself that people are what they are and it never really depends on me.

It is my duty to protect my heart.

If you are worthy, you will prove it to me. You will show me that I can trust you.

It will prove that you are good in time. I will not need to risk my psychological health with you.

And if you’re really a good guy, you’ll try to understand.

You will try to put yourself in my place and understand why I am as I am.

You will see how this sensitive and benevolent girl has turned into a closed and reserved girl.

Ask me anything and I’ll tell you, but do not expect me to trust you, just because it’s you.

When you ask me to trust you, you will see a dose of doubt in my eyes.

It will not be easy to get rid of this doubt because I still have my past clinging to me.

I still remember people who used me, who lied to me and mocked me, they are always somewhere in my head.

And even if you do not deserve it, all the doubts come to me like waves reminding me not to trust you.

Do you think I like being broken?

Do you think I like being so hard on you? I can not help myself.

We can fix it, and even if it will not be easy, if you put enough effort, if you prove to me that you are good, I promise you, it will be worth it. 

Please do not become like everyone else.

Do not bristle like the ones I had the opportunity to meet in my life before you.

Show me that you are worthy of my love and trust.

Show me that I can count on you.

Prove to me that you will not go anywhere and that you will not let me break.

I need consistency, I need to see your efforts, your love, your kindness and your attention.

You can convince me to trust you, but not with words, never with words.

I do not need an apology, or another promise that things will be different next time, because it will kill me.

Do not tell me you’re different, show me it’s so.

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