How to revive a boring relationship
Relationships get boring. We all wish they didn’t, but the fact of the matter is that a little boring is – inevitable. But that doesn’t mean it’s unfixable. How to revitalize a boring relationship depends on the little things you do (or don’t do) — and this blog post will show you how to revitalize your intimate connection with a few simple changes.
The secret of a happy, long relationship
Relationship researcher John Gottman is one of the leading experts on why some couples endure and others don’t.
He says that long, happy relationships are about connection and collaboration. That we need to have realistic expectations of our marriages and relationships, and make choices about “good enough” rather than “perfect.”
Essentially, Gottman is saying that if we still want to hang out, even after years and years together – that’s pretty awesome and ultimately enough.
One way to rekindle a boring relationship is to adjust your expectations and look at the small, simple things you can do to make it fun again.
One is to turn towards each other as opposed to moving away from each other.
This says to look for connection even in times of irritation, but also in times of joy and excitement.
It may seem too easy or like something you might already be doing. But there’s always room for improvement, and good, interesting relationships survive on small things, often, not on grand gestures that can happen every six months.
How to revive a boring relationship by turning to each other
Finding ways to connect in your seemingly mundane weekday routine can be a great way to energize your relationships as it throws things off balance.
As a clinical lologist, I discuss many things other than love with my clients.
Below are three examples of common situations that many couples have found themselves in. They show why we all need to constantly work to reach out to one another, in good times and bad.
1. Ignoring partner’s boring work history
After a few years or decades, our partner’s explanations of what Helen did in the office in the canteen can once again become boring.
It’s only natural to fall into a pattern and start filtering it out once your partner or spouse gets going again.
The thing is — what Helen did (or didn’t do) matters to your partner. And showing that you don’t care by breaking away from them and locking them out is draining the energy out of your relationship. You don’t want to say it, but it can happen.
Instead, try listening to their story, asking questions, and validating your partner’s experience.
Try to see if you can find out if they want feedback or advice – or if they just want someone to nod in agreement and tell them they’re right and that Helen really needs to pull herself together.
When you take a routine that happens, like a boring Tuesday night work story, and flip it into a moment of connection; you make it interesting, instantly feel closer and have more fun together!
2. Call your best friend to share the great news
Sharing positive feelings with your friends is important, but it can be a good idea to write down how often you do the same with your partner.
Sometimes we fall into the habit of sharing boring news only with our spouses or partners. We tell them about the problems at work (input: Helen), and share our worries and concerns about the children.
What we forget to do is revel in each other’s joy.
We charm friends and acquaintances at dinner parties—and we can actively work to charm our partner, too. If you’re looking for ways to revive a boring relationship, this is the key.
Next time you get great news or come up with a funny anecdote you want to share – call your partner and connect.
That way, you fill your relationship with positivity, happiness, and humor. This strengthens emotional intimacy .
3. Sitting on opposite ends of the sofa while watching TV while you binge drink
In early relationships, it’s the norm to sit next to each other (or practically on top of each other) while watching TV. It seems we can’t get close enough.
Over time we get more comfortable sitting farther apart and before you know it we’re on opposite ends of the sofa or in separate chairs.
That’s fine. You don’t have to constantly seek physical contact to have a good relationship.
Anyway , putting your arm around your loved one or holding hands can be a great way to connect when you’re too tired to talk.
It’s also a wonderful way to show love and affection, while also providing an easy, undramatic way to initiate love if you’re feeling in the mood.
Next time you do a Netflix marathon session, maybe you can try to get closer. It doesn’t have to be fancy, lovely or spontaneous – it just has to happen.
Read: A simple exercise to keep long-term relationships exciting
Simplicity is key
Relationships can grow stale over time, so always remember to reach out to each other.
You can do this in many ways:
- By listening to your partner and validating them, even if what they’re sharing isn’t exactly engaging.
- By sharing good news and funny stories along with the hard stuff
- By being physically clingy – and otherwise.
You don’t have to break out the grand gestures and travel the world. If you’re looking for ways to revive a boring relationship, remember that the key to lessening boredom over time is to make a few small changes here and there. That’s the key.